Hey, Married Couples, Submit Already! (Oh no, she did not just say that!)

We all read the Bible a little differently.  The Bible is so rich and deep that even the same verse can speak in different ways on different days.  At different times in our life, different passages will speak more to us than others.  Overall, though, when reading the Bible, there are four ways to read it depending on your motivation.

1. There is the atheist way, which is to take everything, and I mean everything, and reduce it down to stupid, contradictory nonsense.  Oh, and to see everything as evil, especially God.  There is nothing you can ever say to show them how they just might be wrong.  Even if you debunk any contradictory argument, they never concede. They just go on to pick out another perceived contradiction …which, you go on to debunk.  And on and on it goes in a never-ending exhausting loop.  Not all atheists read the Bible in this way, but most skeptical atheists who take such a hard line are simply looking for a way to discredit a belief system that they don’t want to follow and wish to extinguish.
2. There is the watered-down way of reading.  This is where only the feel-good parts are dealt with and Jesus was just a neat-o  guy who loved everyone, every lifestyle–everything was cool, man.  This way of reading the Bible is bland, boring, uninspiring, and leaves out all the richness and fullness that is to be gleaned and discovered.  The readers who water scripture down, do so because their current cultural beliefs conflict with Biblical concepts and they’ve chosen their secular beliefs.
3. There is the very, almost militant type, which seems to only take the harsh things in the Bible and focuses on them.  This way of reading gets so twisted and warped that it really lacks any of the love, mercy, and joy to be found.  It’s the Westboro Baptist way of reading the Bible, which is so anti-Christian that it’s ridiculous we let them get away with having “Baptist” as part of their name.  The militants chose to read the Bible this way, because they also disagree with Biblical teachings.  But, in their case, they chose to take passages out of context to verbally bludgeon their opponents in their quest for power.
4. Lastly, there is the way it’s supposed to be read–to see it as not just any other book, but THE book.  The book written by God through the use of human hands.  It is supernaturally inspired.  It has depths and levels that are beyond a once-over glance.  We are never meant in this lifetime to read it once, snap it shut, and kid ourselves into thinking we have it all figured out.  There are parts that are hard to swallow, there are parts that need clarification, there are parts that must be read in the original language to truly get the meaning and there are parts that have more than one way of looking at it.  Reading the Bible isn’t something to conquer or to mark off a bucket list.  It is meant to be used as a channel to get a glimpse at God and try to understand Him.  It’s meant to be read with not just our minds, but our souls.  This final way is the humble way, the non-defensive way of seeking truth.

I say all of this, because I want to use these ways of reading the Bible to make a point.  I write about marriage, dating, and building positive relationships and, so, I want to touch on a couple of well-known verses in this blog that deal with marriage.  Then I want to look at them through the eyes of the different readers above and see just what is missing from three of them.

The verses?  Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 Of course you’ve heard these verses before.  But, I want to look at things a little differently.

1.  How an atheist reads these verses:

As always they see everything through a “God = Bad” lens.  Even though the word love is mentioned numerous times, that makes no difference.  These verses are read as Evil God telling husbands to oppress their wives and force them into servitude.  All the while the husband rests his feet on the back of his slave wife as she mops the floor, while cackling with glee at his domination over her.

2.  The watered-down reader takes this passage and tries to assuage any hard feelings over it.  In fact, most watered-down readers don’t even want to touch this passage, because it makes them feel uncomfortable, cause it sorta, kinda looks like Christianity is telling men that they are better than woman.  So, they’d rather just leave these verses alone and move along to something less controversial.  But, to be clear, the watered-down reader makes sure to point out that Jesus would never really tell women to submit to their husbands.  And, more importantly, this was just a cultural thing back in the day, so it, like, basically doesn’t apply anymore.

3.  The militant reader sees only this:  “WIVES SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBANDS!”  It basically gets translated into this:

When I worked as a counselor for victims of domestic and sexual abuse, I can’t tell you how many women I listened to that told me their husbands used this passage to justify abusing their wives.  Every single time, I asked the wives if they had ever read beyond that first sentence and onto the very next passage:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Most of the women had never read this passage and were shocked to hear it once I read it to them.  Incredibly sad.  Sad for the women who have never heard the truth and sad for the men who use God’s word to abuse people they claim to love.

4.  When these passages are read in the right way, the reader can see a deeper meaning behind the words.  These passages are calls to love.  Each spouse is called, in their own way, to give themselves up completely for the sake of the other.  Marriage cannot and will not work if the spouses are looking out for only themselves.  When they give of themselves fully, spouses are able to meet each other’s needs and feel loved at the same time.  Likewise, a church will crumble and fall if it only lives for itself and not Christ.  The Church must look to Christ as the head and follow His lead.  In return, Christ pours out blessing and love for His people, the Church.

For those that still can’t get over the words “wives submit,” I think it is important to look at what St. Paul tells the husbands to do.  He tells them they should be willing to give up their lives for their wives.  Is this not submission, too?  Of course it is.  To be sure, we just can’t look at the giving up of one’s life as completely literal.  Not all men will have the opportunity to die for love of their spouse.  But, they can freely give their lives over in submission to their wives–loving her with everything, holding nothing back.  In the Gospels, Christ often likens the Church to a bride.  He is the bridegroom, the Church (the people) are the bride.  He gave everything He had for “His bride.”  He suffered and died for the Church because of His immense love.  Love never takes for itself, it always gives.  These passages are calling married couples to follow Christ’s lead as an example of perfect marital love.

As I showed earlier, there are four main mindsets when reading the Bible.  The first three are motivated by a lack of willingness to look inward.  They are all clouded by the sin of pride.  The fourth one is the humble way that forces you to question your preconceived notions and helps you discover the truth.  It is the only way of reading that seeks to look inward and challenges you to be better, give more, love deeper.  God knows us.  He knows that men, for the most part, feel loved when they are respected by those around them.  Women feel loved when they are cherished.

So, I challenge you to try to consider the motivations of your friends and family as you discuss religious topics and even your pastor as he preaches at church.  Ask yourself these questions:  Are they helping you to look inward at yourself or sharing with you their own personal journey?  Or, are they ridiculing like the skeptic?  Or brushing a passage off as no longer relevant?  Or, are they attempting to co-opt the authority of the Bible and wield it as a weapon to control others?  Let it be your guide in determining where the truth lies.