Last week, I set aside a day of prayer to pray for the intentions of my followers on my social media accounts. I thought that I would be offering a lot of prayers for relief from Covid-19 but, instead, I got numerous–mostly private–messages from mothers asking me to pray for their child that has strayed from the Faith.
These kinds of prayers always break my heart because I know that there is so much anguish and heartache that goes along with them. I know that parents feel guilty and question what they could have done better. I know that it creates a tinge of sorrow that clouds even the happiest of times. I know it causes constant worry because a soul is at stake.
I know all these things because I affected my own mother in this way. At 17, I walked away from God and decided I’d handle everything my way. I still believed in God but I did not want Him included in my life. I stopped going to church, my Bible’s only companions were dust bunnies, and I gave no thought to my sinful lifestyle.
For me, I was so angry with God for certain events that He had allowed to happen that I didn’t feel He deserved my worship. I didn’t go full-blown atheist but instead tried to punish God by denying Him my time, attention, and love. I felt completely justified in feeling this way and for a time, my anger sustained me. Then, it began to crush me. I remember one day my freshman year of college feeling so overwhelmingly suffocated by my anger that I was literally paralyzed on the floor outside my dorm room. The anger had turned to bitterness and it had a vice-grip on my heart. I sat on the floor for a good hour and a half, maybe?
I knew I needed help but I was too stubborn to ask for it. Plus, I was ashamed. I was so ashamed of all my sins that I felt incredibly unworthy. I couldn’t even consider that God loved me or would even want to. I remember very distinctly thinking to myself, “I am damaged goods” and it was a phrase I repeated to myself over and over again.
By the grace of God, though, I found my way back to Him. The foundation in Christ that my parents had set at an early age had never fully left me. The grace I received from my baptism truly did its job. The prayers of my mother did not go unheard. Upon entering the Catholic Church in 2009, I received absolution for my sins as tears flooded down my cheeks. Oh, how glorious it was to feel whole again.
I wanted to write today about this topic not to shame but to give hope to parents who have seen their children stray away from God. I don’t want people to feel that they are bad parents if they have a child that has walked away. There are so many reasons that older children leave the Faith. For some, the world gets to them. Atheists can sound very clever and smart. Other people leave because they want to live a certain lifestyle that they know God would not approve of and so it’s easy for them to deny God than change their ways. Many see belief in Jesus as uncool, dorky, or outdated. Like me, some leave because they are angry at God and believe He has let them down; or they are so ashamed of their sins that they attempt to hide from Him. And we’ve all heard of the people who just don’t see the point; they feel no deep connection with Christ.
So, what can you do as a parent? Hopefully, I can give you some encouragement.
Never Give Up Praying
Back when I was a young teenager, I came upstairs early one morning from my room in the basement. By the glow of a small lamp, I saw my mother in prayer and it is one of the most comforting images I can think of from my whole life. I was unaware that she got up early to pray. Seeing her there with her head bowed in silence gave me a sense of security and peace. Let your kids see you pray. It leaves a lasting mark.
It took 11-years of praying from my mom for me to really come back to Christ. I know that had to be a long time of agony for her, but she was rewarded for her perseverance. Don’t be afraid to call on the saints to aid you in your prayers. Pray to your child’s guardian angel. Every day in my morning prayers, I ask God to always keep my children’s guardian angels close to them.
As you know, it is vitally important to pray as a family. Start when your kids are young and make it a part of your daily lives together. You don’t need lengthy, profound prayers for it to make a difference.
Educate Yourself On the Faith
When I was teaching Confirmation classes for teens in Vegas, one of the things that struck me was how many times the teens said that when they asked their parents or a religious teacher a question about Catholicism, they couldn’t answer or just brushed them off.
When your kids get out into the world, they will meet atheists. Those atheists will ask all kinds of questions to make them doubt. I’ve seen them in action and they are like piranhas. In reality, there is no need to fear their questions as the Catholic Church has been providing solid answers for a very long time. It’s important that, as parents, we equip ourselves with knowledge so that we can defend the Faith with confidence. Obviously, one will never know all the answers, so it is important that we tell our kids, “You know, that’s a good question. I don’t know the answer, but I’ll check into it.” Be sure you then follow up and get back to them.
Have Spiritual Conversations
When kids are young, many Christian parents have no difficulty relaying the tried and true Bible stories: Noah and the Ark, Moses and the Ten Commandments, Daniel and Lion, David and Goliath. These are all great stories and definitely important to teach. However, it’s important that at some point we move past a Veggie Tale level of understanding of our faith.
I heard recently that one of the best practices parents can do with their children with regards to the Faith is to have deep spiritual conversations. Don’t be afraid to pick a topic and discuss it at the dinner table. Let your teen express themselves and have good back-and-forths. I think a lot of times parents are scared to discuss more mature topics with their older kids because they can be uncomfortable or the parents feel ill-equipped. I’ll tell you from experience that the more you talk about uncomfortable topics the easier it gets.
While your kids are still under your roof, pick out something interesting on Sundays to watch together that deals with the Catholic Faith. Bishop Barron has great resources. Father Michael Schmitz does a great job of talking to teens about things that are relevant to them. Jason and Chrystalina Evert have tons of talks about chastity and dating. Watch these things together and then talk about them afterward.
Live The Faith With A Joyful Heart
Our faith should be integrated into our whole lives; it is not just meant for Sundays at Mass. It’s so important to bring our faith into our homes and live it with joyful hearts. Celebrate feast days when you can. Tastefully display religious art in your home. Talk about the saints and their lives. Visit beautiful churches when traveling.
If we live our faith lives in a stuffy, puritan way it will turn teens away. Nobody really enjoys living their faith like that anyway. There is so much about our Catholic Faith that is appealing, beautiful, and good. Don’t be afraid to let it shine in your home.
Trust In the Plan
As I have matured in my faith, I firmly believe that God allowed the bad to happen to me so that He could create something good from it. I know this makes God sound callous and harsh but that’s only when you don’t see the bigger picture. Before turning away from God, I had a mediocre, bland faith life. I believed because…well, I was supposed to. Had I never walked away and fully realized that life without God does not work out well, I may never have been set on fire for the Faith.
I was brought low only to be built back up. It took a lot of time, but I’m grateful that God knew I could be better. The relationship I have now with Christ is worth all the pain I went through and I know that I had to go through the pain to get to where I am today. I can be a stubborn, prideful woman and I needed to learn that my way is not always right. I needed to come to the faith because I knew in my bones that it was my saving grace. I had to embrace it for myself and really come to understand that I am a child of God. Not everyone needs to go through this to have a close relationship with God, thank goodness. But, it is quite possible that if your child has turned away, that they are going through a period of testing and trial. Trust that God can work with the mess they seem to be creating and bring good from it.
Long ago, there was a mother that raised her son in the Faith as best as she could. She was a devoted Catholic and imparted upon her son the gift that she had been given. Sadly, he took that gift and basically dumped it in the trash and then went off to indulge in the carnal pleasures of the world. The mother prayed for years and years, never giving up hope that one day her son would find his way to Christ.
St. Monica held on to hope and that hope turned into a conversion for her son–St. Augustine. Where once he was an extremely sinful, selfish man, he, in time, became a Doctor of the Church and a saint. He is one of the greatest theological minds the world has ever known. Nothing good is impossible for God.
Sometimes, you can do all the things right and your child could still walk away. It’s a nightmare for parents because you know that their soul is at risk. You love your child and want to make sure they reach Heaven someday. Live your faith well every day so that they see the difference that it makes in your life. Assure them that God loves them and that there is no sin too great to be forgiven in this life. Be willing to say you are sorry if it needs to be said. Endure any insults against the Faith with patience and fortitude. Above all, never ever stop praying for their soul.
