Growing up, I always thought I would meet a Kansas man at college, get married, and settle down in my home state. Never once did I contemplate the idea that I would leave its borders and live elsewhere. I was born in Kansas and I thought I’d live out my days in Kansas. Seems God had other plans.
My junior year of college, I decided to join Air Force ROTC. My ultimate goal was to make it to the FBI. I was told by an FBI recruiter that if I wanted to get noticed, I should either join the military or become a lawyer. I had no interest in being a lawyer, so that left only one option–the Air Force.
On my first day of ROTC, I walked in and saw Dustin. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he was my better half. He felt like home. I know, I know that’s crazy irrational and romantically sappy but it’s true. I happened to be engaged to another man at the time but I knew at that moment, I could never marry the other guy. I eventually broke it off with him and, as you know, Dustin and I got married in 2001. For certain reasons, I was unable to continue on in ROTC so I never fully joined the military.
In May of 2002, Dustin pinned on 2nd Lieutenant, and my life as a military spouse took off. I had no idea what was in store for me. For much of Dustin’s life, he was an Army brat so he was used to moving around. I, on the other hand, had lived mostly in the same area my whole life. It was jarring to say the least.
I asked my followers online what they would like me to write about this week and someone asked me to reflect on my life as a Catholic military spouse. Those are two topics I love to talk about–Catholicism and our military life. The reason I love talking about both topics is that they both have challenged me in ways I could never have dreamed. Both the military and Catholicism have forced me to discover what I’m made of, grow, and sacrifice.
For most military families, when we move to a new place we quickly dive right in. We immerse ourselves where we are currently planted and we wanna experience all there is to see and do in the short amount of time we are stationed somewhere. Military families do not have time to slowly feel our way into a place. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” I wish that everyone could see where they live through the eyes of a military family. To us, each place is new, fresh, and exciting. We have an incredible ability to find the hidden gems and even share new insights with the locals.
What I’ve found as a spouse, is that each place has important things to teach me: culturally, spiritually, and mentally. So, I’ll share with you what each place has taught me and I’ll show you how I grew in my Catholic Faith.
OHIO
Dayton, Ohio was our first duty station. Initially, this move was rough for me because I felt like an uprooted tree. Everything I had ever known was back in Kansas and now I was living away from family and friends. It taught me, though, that I can move out of my comfort zone and survive.
I was not Catholic when we arrived in Dayton and it was a source of contention between me and my cradle Catholic husband. My husband and I did a lot of church shopping during this time. It got old really quick and we both grew weary of the fights that ensued after church on Sunday. Amazingly, I agreed to just stick with going to a Catholic Church so that we could have some peace in our lives. This was where the seeds were planted.
FLORIDA
Panama City, Florida was a total culture shock for me. Ohio’s culture had been similar enough to Kansas’ so it was somewhat familiar to me. Florida was different. There I was introduced to southern life, sandy white beaches, collard greens, and sweet tea. Our home sat near a bay and we lived right next to a fish market. Each day, I would see the fishing ships come in and it was here that I learned to cook and enjoy seafood. More importantly, I learned to enjoy another culture.
Eight years into our marriage, I realized that the Catholic Church was where I needed to be. In September 2009, in my own special ceremony, I was welcomed into the Catholic Church. In Panama City, I found my way across the Tiber and the flame was lit.
CALIFORNIA
Cross country moves are never easy. I know, I’ve done it four times now. Lol. Florida to California took us across the bottom half of the country into the barren Mojave Desert. Edwards AFB is literally out in the middle of nowhere. Because of that, though, there is a great sense of community. Living 45 minutes from civilization means you learn to appreciate the simple things and the people you have around you. My life was scaled back in California and I learned to find the beauty in simplicity.
When you go to church on base everybody has a role to play. In order for the church to function, you need the participation of all members. Turnover is high as people move in and move out; continuity is almost non-existent as no one lives on base for very long. At Edwards AFB, I got my feet wet with teaching the faith as a religious education teacher. This forced me to start really learning the Catholic Faith well.
It was, also, in California that I was introduced to the Missions. The Missions endeared themselves to me and it is my goal to see them all one day. So far, I have seen nine. The Missions introduced me to the richness of the Faith. Before them, I had never been in a church that smelled hallowed, felt mysterious, and imprinted within me wonder and awe.
VIRGINIA
Virginia’s motto is “Virginia is for Lovers.” So true because I fell in love with that beautiful state. Virginia took me back to the roots of our country and I couldn’t get enough of the history. I lived close to three presidents’ homes: Thomas Jefferson’s, James Madison’s, and James Monroe’s. In Virginia, it was like the sleeping early American colonist was awakened in me and I felt fully alive.
In 2013, while living in Virginia, I started my blog. An old college roommate of mine had become an atheist and started attacking Christianity. She slung out question after question at me and I found myself unable to rebut her arguments. So, I stepped away to learn. Interestingly enough, at the same time, we started attending a Catholic Church led by Dominicans. Dominicans don’t mince or waste words and their homilies go deep into theology. The priests there gave some homilies that required every ounce of my attention. They taught me that there is a supreme intellectual side to the Catholic Faith. It was in Virginia that I began to learn and understand the faith at an intellectual level.
NEVADA
Moving to Las Vegas was the toughest move to date. Mostly it was because our family was so smitten with Virginia. To go from living near the green, peaceful Blue Ridge Mountains to the bright desert lights of Vegas was one hard pill to swallow. In Vegas, I had to learn to be happy even when the situation wasn’t ideal. I didn’t particularly like Vegas but I knew I couldn’t spend three years there and hate every minute of it. So, our family made a conscious effort to be open-minded to what the area had to show us. I can honestly say that we really and truly saw some amazing things there: The Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Zion National Park, Red Rock Canyon, etc.
I didn’t think we’d find much of a church home in Vegas. When you think of Vegas you don’t think about religion. I mean, it isn’t called Sin City for nothing. Surprisingly, though, we found a wonderful church home and equipped with the knowledge that I had gained in Virginia, I helped teach Confirmation classes. This was the first time as a family we really involved ourselves in the church not because we had to out of necessity like on base, but because we really wanted to be part of the community.
OHIO
Since once wasn’t enough, our family returned to Ohio and it was there that I finally felt like I found my niche. When I started blogging, my name was Passionate Purpose but nobody knew what I was about. Consequently, my blog floundered and I gained zero traction. Frustrated, I wanted to throw in the towel so many times but something always held me back. Once I changed my name to Catholic Pilgrim everything fell in line for me. Our military life is a constant journey, and in many ways, I feel like a pilgrim moving around into uncharted territory. As Catholics, we know that we are a pilgrim people, always making our way towards our Heavenly home. Our military life affords me the opportunity to see so much of the country and meet all walks of life. In each new place that we explore, I get to visit new churches and be wowed by their beauty. I get to experience the Mass in culturally different ways which expands my understanding of the universality of the Catholic Church.
In 2020, I took my first legit pilgrimage to the Holy Land and it has only whetted my appetite. It delights me to bring history, stories, and pictures to you all and help you to see the magnificence of our Catholic Faith. I don’t know if this would have ever happened had I not married a Catholic military man.
IZMIR, TURKEY
The summer of 2020, our family moved to Izmir, Turkey for one year. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I would live in Turkey. To date, it is my favorite assignment. I cannot explain how living in a country that is so vastly different than your own changes your life in unimaginable ways. I constantly miss the food, the people, and the sights. When you move overseas, you go through stages. First, everything feels like a vacation, like a honeymoon. It’s exciting, new, and overwhelming. Then, reality sets in and you realize that you aren’t going home any time soon. Frustration sets in over language barriers, cultural barriers, and navigating a country that isn’t your own. From there you move into homesickness. Once you get over your homesickness, you start to feel more comfortable. That comfortableness turns into a deep appreciation for the experience and confidence in your abilities to live in another country.
From a religious standpoint, Turkey was incredible. Turkey was once Asia Minor and it is filled to the brim with Christian sites. I walked on the grounds that many of the Apostles walked on in order to spread the Good News. I saw Mary’s house near Ephesus and visited the seven churches from the Book of Revelation. I loved bringing all the Catholic Pilgrims information, photos, and videos of the places that are so important to the history of our Faith.
WASHINGTON DC
It was rough coming back home after being gone for a year. It’s like while I was away, the hour glass stopped here in the States and once I landed on US soil, time started up again. It took some time to adjust to being back home. In Turkey, I got used to community. The Turkish people want to know you and it’s nothing to spend hours with them just sitting and sipping tea. Back in a big US city, I was saddened by the lack of community because everyone just wants to do their own thing. The independence of Americans is good in many ways, but it has its bad aspects, too. We, oftentimes, lack community and feel isolated. But, our family made sure to get involved at our church, with our kids’ sports teams, and neighbors.
We really enjoyed our parish in DC. Though it was a suburb church that wasn’t gorgeous, it had good community and wonderful priests. My husband and I helped to lead the high school youth group there and, so, it was back to teaching the Faith I love so well. We, also, set about exploring all the historical Catholic places in the surrounding area. We went on lots of mini-pilgrimages, which helped my wanderlust.
MONTGOMERY, AL
We just moved back to the south, so you will have to stay tuned to read my thoughts on what this place will have to offer.
In the military, you go where they send you. For my husband, he doesn’t get a choice. I’ve followed him around the country for the last 21 years because he is my home and this is what I signed up for–to be his support. We go because where we’re sent is where my husband is needed. It takes a lot of faith and trust to just uproot your life every few years and start all over again. Our Catholic Faith teaches me to trust that where I am led is where I’m needed. It helps me to make sacrifices without growing bitter. It sustains me when it is hard to serve my country in this way, oftentimes having to forfeit time with my husband so that he can do his job. Ultimately, being a Catholic military spouse is a constant reminder that I belong to something bigger than myself. It is an honor to the backbone of this operation so that my husband can work to make sure our country remains protected and free.
