I’ll Offend You, You Offend Me and We’ll Be As Joyless As We Can Be

Imagine a world full of offended people. What might such a world look like? No need to imagine, folks, we’re living in that world.

Offended people to my left.

Offended people to my right.

Do you feel as though you must watch your every word, every action, every interest, thought, feeling, desire, need, want, or goal for fear of offending some person? Within the past year, I’ve probably seen 20 blog/articles with a title that looks something like this: “What Not To Say To Someone Who ________________.” You fill in the blank with anything–seriously, anything. Open the article and there is a long, laundry list of things you can’t say or do with regards to a certain group. I’m all for being mindful of people’s feelings, but it seems things have gone too far. It’s gotten to the point where pretty soon we will just grunt and make caveman hand motions to each other because words are too offensive. However, I’m sure someone will find a way to be offended by that.

The Super Bowl happened recently and the funniest commercial was, according to the news media, the most offensive commercial ever. Most of the commercials during the Super Bowl were nauseatingly not-funny, yet the Hyundai commercial in the elevator actually made me and the rest of my family laugh out loud. The crime they committed? They made fun of having to go to a vegan dinner where “beetloaf” was being served. Apparently, Vegans were super offended and demanded an apology. I’m sorry, but the play on words and the fact that nobody seriously wants to eat “beetloaf” is funny. If you can’t find a smidge of humor in that then you need to loosen up the undergarments a tad. I’m no stranger to being made fun of when it comes to my diet. I have to eat gluten-free and I get all the eye rolls, criticism, and unwanted advice I could ever want. It’s really no big deal, though. It’s not worth my time to get offended and I don’t really care that people make jokes about gluten-intolerance. Heck, I make fun of it myself.

So, what gives? Why are we all running around throwing out our “I’m offended” card at every turn? Well, as you might have guessed, I have a few thoughts.

“To offend” originally meant “to sin against someone, to fall into sinful ways, to commit a fault, to strike against, or to violate moral or criminal law.” Around the late 14th century, it began to mean “to wound the feelings” and I think this is the definition our culture is clinging to for dear life. But, why?

The moral law can be found in the Ten Commandments. In fact, a lot of our criminal laws are rooted in the Ten Commandments. However, as our country has increasingly removed God from our lives, I think, we have installed a different set of ten commandments. Let me show you:

FIRST COMMANDMENT: THOU ARE THE LORD OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

I am the ruler of my own life, don’t tell me I’m wrong about anything or I’ll be offended. (Example: Don’t judge!!!!! Stop judging me!!!!!! I am so offended that you would even suggest that what I’m doing is wrong. My motto is “You do you!”)

SECOND COMMANDMENT: OFFEND GOD AS OFTEN OR AS MUCH AS THOU LIKEST

It is fine to offend God and anyone who worships Him. (Example: “I would rather eat dog sh*$ than worship god.” These are actually words said to me by an atheist. This person also used God’s name in vain constantly in my presence. However, I’m not allowed to get upset by this.)

THIRD COMMANDMENT: MY PERSONAL PREFERENCES REIGN SUPREME

If you disagree with any of my personal preferences, I’ll be offended. How dare you. (Example: People getting upset by the Super Bowl commercial, or if someone doesn’t share their affinity for a particular TV show or movie.)

FOURTH COMMANDMENT: THOU ARE ALLOWED TO DISHONOR YOUR PARENTS, ESPECIALLY YOUR FATHER

The Patriarchy is oppressing us all, therefore you are encouraged to ridicule men whenever you want and they are not allowed to be offended. (Example: Men are told to shut up and to stop “mansplaining” pretty consistantly nowadays. They are not allowed to be upset by this. In fact, people will get offended if men get offended over you telling them to shut up.)

FIFTH COMMANDMENT: THOU SHALT BE ALLOWED TO KILL THE UNBORN IF IT SUITS THEE

Killing is wrong unless it’s the killing of the unborn. In that case, no one has the right to be offended by the taking of a life.

SIXTH COMMANDMENT: THOU ARE ALLOWED TO ENGAGE IN ANY KIND OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IF GIVEN CONSENT

All sexual behavior is fine and acceptable as long as consent is obtained. I’m allowed to be offended if anyone disagrees with this. They don’t have to do anything to prevent me from doing what I want; just the fact that they disagree is offensive enough. (Example: Does this really need explaining in our cultural climate?)

SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS.

Period. I’ll be offended if anyone tells me otherwise.

EIGHTH COMMANDMENT: THOU MAYEST LIE TO PUSH YOUR CAUSE

No one is allowed to question anything I say or I’ll be deeply offended. Even if people know that I’m lying, they are required to believe me anyway. (Example: Just spend half a day perusing news media outlets or watching the actions of those in government.)

NINTH COMMANDMENT: YOUR TRUTH IS WHAT THOU WANTS IT TO BE

I’m allowed to think anything I want, even if means trampling on another. The other is not allowed to be offended in the slightest. (Example: I have my truth and you have your truth. It’s offensive to me if someone even tries to question “my truth.”)

TENTH COMMANDMENT: THOU ARE THE OWNER OF YOUR OWN RACIAL CULTURE

Racism is bad, but so is one race trying to enjoy or honor another culture in any way. (Example: It’s now considered offensive if people want to dress up as a race other than their own for plays or Halloween. Intent means nothing. If people are doing it to show how much they like a certain culture or if they want to honor the culture, it doesn’t matter.)

I hope you can see the glaringly obvious theme running through our country’s self-adopted ten commandments. Whereas the real Ten Commandments are meant to help us have good relationships with God and our neighbors, this new set is selfish to the core. The only thing that matters is “me.” The true Ten Commandments ask us to be mindful and respectful to others; to give honor to others besides ourselves. The new set demands that everyone cater to our every whim and desire. If not, we will scream from the mountain tops that we are offended and demand everyone to bend to our will. This all boils down to pride.

Venerable Fulton Sheen said it best: “Nobody who is self-willed has an inferiority complex; he has a superiority complex. He is so full of conceit, pride, and aggressive assertiveness that his hurt feelings may for the moment appear as inferiority. But he would not feel hurt if he did not have a diabolic pride or superiority which would treat anyone who does not flatter him as Pontius Pilate treated Christ. Pilate washed his hands of Christ and had Him executed.”

Have you ever met a joyful person who is consistently offended? No? Neither have I. Feeling joy and feeling constantly offended just don’t work together. What I’ve noticed is that as people in our country become more and more offended they, in turn, become more bitter, spiteful, and rude. Joy is sucked from their lives in their constant pursuit to play the offended victim. If we really examine things, being offended doesn’t really make sense. What we really mean is that we feel defensive because someone has hurt our pride or our feelings, yet, we don’t say “defensive” because we know that sounds bad.

Last month I wrote about finding joy in your life by having a grateful heart. When you are grateful, joy naturally follows. This month, I’m sharing another way to find joy: Let most things roll off your back and work to not be offended. Christ told us to “turn the other cheek” and to “shake the dust off” if someone doesn’t welcome you as you’d hope. This is truly hard to put into practice because I think deep down we like to play the victim. It strokes our ego and gets us attention. Anytime someone says some passive-aggressive thing to me about homeschooling my kids or about being gluten-intolerant, it’s natural for me to want to get riled up. I have to remember, though, that no moral law has been broken. They don’t know me. They don’t know my situation and it’s gonna be alright not to get offended.

We should reserve being offended over truly grave matters. When we all get offended over every little thing, it cheapens the true meaning of the word. Our capacity for even acknowledging the outrage is lessened. Nobody cares and we become calloused. Then, when something truly offensive comes along, it falls on the noise of all the false outrage and gets drowned out.

It takes a strong person to turn the other cheek. It takes a disciplined person to control themselves and not take offense over the actions and words of ignorant, misguided, or well-intentioned but off-the-mark people. It takes a good-natured person to laugh at themselves and even at some of the choices they make that may seem absurd to others. It takes a just person to realize when a true offense has taken place and to work to right an absolute wrong, not usually for themselves but for others. Fulton Sheen says a joyful person embraces “otherness, sympathy, forgiveness, and self-discipline.” Strive to be that person, Catholic Pilgrims, and joy will overwhelm you.