July’s Featured Married Couple is Ernest and Sarah. I met them while we were stationed together at Edwards AFB and now we are stationed together again. Small world…even smaller Air Force. They are a beautiful couple that have been married for 13 years. They met at the Air Force Academy and married three days after graduating from there. They both serve their country, but they also serve the Church by reaching out to married couples through Marriage Encounter. You can just tell that they understand what it takes to be married and they want to share their joy with others. Ernest and Sarah have three amazing kids: Eve (11), Glory (10), and Ernesto (7). Their answers on marriage are extremely touching and definitely ones to take to heart.
What did you do on your first date?
Sarah–We hung out a lot on the Academy grounds when we started dating, but our first real date was to Carrabas. We were sophomores and couldn’t have our own car so it took a little while before we found someone willing to lend us their car for a date. Our time spent together at this time revolved around a lot of in depth discussions trying to get to know one another on a deeper level.
We met the first day of college and had rooms right next door to each other. The first day, Ernest and his roommate came over to say “Hi!” Over the next couple weeks, because our rooms were close we hung out quite a bit. Ernest was shy, but I could tell right away that he was very intelligent. I thought that he was cute even with the buzz cut that all freshmen boys got. But what really made me look at him more than any other guy at school was his love for his family and his interest in mine. My family was then, and always has been, one of my highest priorities and it was refreshing to get to know someone who held that same priority.
Ernest–Sarah and I started out as just friends. As we hung out more, I was attracted to her energy and how much fun she was. As we got closer, I could tell how much she cared for others, much more than herself. She was extremely selfless and compassionate, and those were inspiring qualities for me–traits that I wish I had.
What has been the most surprising thing about marriage?
Ernest–For me, the most surprising thing about marriage is how our relationship, our attitudes, even different aspects of ourselves have changed over time. I love Sarah in a much different way than when we started out. For one, I love her more than when we got married, which is a real shock for me. I love different things about her. She’s still selfless and deeply connected with God, but I love how she tries to be a better mom and wife everyday. I love how she’s raised our kids to behave and more importantly, to know God. I see a lot of great qualities in our kids that I know are inherited or learned from her.
In your opinion, what is the hardest thing about marriage?
Ernest and Sarah–The hardest thing about marriage that we have seen is communication. It is essential to everything you do as a couple. It is almost impossible to meld two people’s thoughts, plans, and desires into one so the two of you can be one team. In order to do this we must communicate clearly to one another. Communication comes in many different forms. We have learned over time to change the ways we communicate. For example, the way we fight has changed. We still have disagreements about many of the same subjects; how to raise our kids or spending money. The difference is that now we can mostly discuss these topics from different perspectives but still part of the same team. We’ve also learned that it’s important to communicate beyond the superficial conversations. When we started having kids and were both working, we’d go weeks where the only things we said to each other was what we needed to get by. For example, like who was taking the kids to school, what was for dinner, or when would we be getting home. We didn’t talk about if someone was frustrated by work, exhausted by our schedule, or felt lonely or isolated from the other. We’ve learned that it’s important to discuss our feelings with each other everyday.
What do you believe is the purpose of marriage?
We believe that marriage is a sacrament. In accepting this sacrament, we chose to live our lives together building a family and raising our children to know and respect God.
Sarah–It is my calling to be a wife and mother. I am called to give my family my time, love, and care. I am called to love and respect my husband and support him while he supports our family. I am called to teach my children respect, the value of hard work, and that God is their number one priority.
Ernest–It’s my calling to be a good husband and father–to be an example of God’s love for my family. In different ways, I sacrifice my own comfort or wants to make sure Sarah and our kids know they are loved and that they will be taken care of. I guess this is a pretty big question; there’s a lot I could say here. I guess my purpose in marriage encapsulates almost everything I do and why I do it.
How do you incorporate God into your marriage?
Ernest and Sarah–God is part of every day of our lives. As a family we pray at meals and before bed. We read the Bible as a family. Every Sunday we go to church as a family. We enjoy this time with our children; it is refreshing and peaceful to sit together at church. Our children understand that it is important to give time to God because He has given us everything we have.
What do you love the most about marriage?
Ernest–I love the unconditional love I get from my wife and kids. I love the kids we’ve raised. I love the limitless amount of joy my wife and kids bring me. My life would be so empty without our family. I love seeing my best friend everyday. I love laughing with our kids. I love how we’ve grown as a married couple, as adults, and as parents. I love having a partner to share every special moment and someone that I can count on to get me through every low, challenge, or obstacle.
What is a common misconception about marriage?
Ernest and Sarah–A common misconception about marriage is that it should be easy. No relationship is easy. All people are imperfect and make mistakes and when you are married you have to be able to accept and love that other person in spite of and, at times, because of their mistakes and imperfections. In marriage you have to choose to love that person everyday. Love is a choice.
