“So, when your husband retires from the Air Force, it will be your turn then, right?”
I hear this a lot as a military spouse. We are still several years away from my husband retiring, but we are on the tail end of this wonderful, crazy life. I knew when marrying my husband that the idea of having a well-established career was probably not going to happen. I guess, I could have forced the issue, but it was not something I wanted to do. I knew by marrying Dustin, a military man, that I would be relinquishing my chance at a notable career.
What bothers me about the question people ask me, is that our marriage, our life together has never been about turns. This isn’t Dustin’s time and then it will be mine. This is our time, all the time. To say such a thing, implies that what I’ve been doing for the past 14 years has been sort of wasteful–not meaningful. It is to say that because I haven’t been out there punching the clock making money, I don’t look successful. Our culture is so wrapped up in having a career and being successful monetarily and materially that people just can’t fathom the idea of someone putting their career aside for the other.
In the 14-years we have been a part of the military I have gotten a Master’s degree, volunteered, worked, traveled all over our great country, learned about different cultures, made friends from all over the world, survived a deployment, been a Key Spouse for my husband’s squadron, and I continue to homeschool our children. My life has been richly blessed and full.
My life is successful even without a career, because my marriage is thriving, my children are blossoming into good and happy individuals, and I have a relationship with God that keeps me grounded and gives my life purpose. I think of what my life would look like if I had pushed for a career in the FBI while my husband served in the military. Most likely we would have spent most of our marriage, thus far, away from each other. Our kids would be separated from one parent some, if not most of the time. I know this would have broken down our marriage and family. It is more acceptable to me to never have a career than to live my life with a broken family. In fact, without the four other people living under my roof, my life would be hollow and depressing. No amount of accolades or money could ever replace their love and the joy they give me.
The reality is, is that when Dustin retires, we have to go where he can find work. He is an engineer, I’m a criminology major; the pay difference is laughable. He has the experience, I will not have that much as far as being out in the work world. If we made it “my time” after he retires, we would be struggling to make ends meet. That would be silly and extremely irresponsbile. I know that I may never have a smashing career. I know that from here on out, people will find what I do uninteresting. That’s okay. This is a sacrifice I have made for my husband because I love him. I love him enough to lay money, promotions, status, and prestige in his lap and give it up. I will do that for him, because nothing matters more to me than him and this family. I know, that if I came to Dustin and told him that I truly desired a career, he would help me pursue that, but it’s not what I want.
I know that many military spouses are able to have careers while their spouse is serving. Lots of jobs transfer easily or are easily found at new bases. My line of work is not that way. I’m not saying that if you have a career as a military spouse, that you don’t love your family and spouse. What I am saying is that it is wrong to think about marriage–any marriage–as having his turns and her turns. Marriage should always be a path forged together with the entire journey being an “our turn.” Just as I have made sacrifices for Dustin, he has made them for me. This family together is our biggest priority.
It is my honor and privilege to be a part of the Air Force life. I know when he does retire, I will miss it and long for those times. But, I’m excited about what lies beyond military life. Namely, having my own home and being able to paint it whatever color I want! I look forward to actually growing a garden that I don’t have to leave in three years. It’s the simple things, right? But, most of all, I’ll be excited to see where the next chapter of our life will take us. Till then, I will continue to enjoy the journey that the military life has us on. It has been amazing so far and I know it will continue to be.
