This post may be TMI. I have toyed with this blog in my head for years. YEARS! Each time, I talk myself out of writing about it because I worry it’s going to be more than people want to hear. I’m gonna try not to be too in the weeds with the details. What I have to say, though, relates directly to one of the Ten Commandments.
(I’m changing a name for the sake of privacy)
Jessie Gray. In middle school, she was one year older than me and I had her in gym class. Middle school is hard enough, but when you are a late bloomer like I was, it can be a serious struggle. Jessie Gray had a beautiful, curvy body. I, on the other hand, resembled a twig. She had long, gorgeous flowing dark-brown hair. I had crunchy home-permed hair. I would stare at her in gym class and wish I could be her. I wished I could have a “womanly” body like her and hair to die for. She had confidence and I basically slunked around the locker room shrouded in a towel.
I love body type definitions. (Sarcasm alert) For swimsuits, I’m referred to as an “athletic build.”
Once I got into high school, Jessie Gray was there with her pin-up girl body and I envied her. We were cheerleaders together my junior year and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t wish God had given me a body like hers. I tried in vain to do everything I could to be more like her. The more I tried, the unhappier I became.
After having my first two children, I became obsessed with not having a curvy body. I would tell myself that if I could just hold up a swimsuit or a strapless dress, I’d be happy. If I could just get my body to look like Jessie’s, all my problems would be solved. I seriously contemplated plastic surgery.
I would watch those plastic surgery reality TV shows and cry. I’d become depressed when I realized the price was out of reach. Then, some weeks I’d be okay and think about my non-curves less and less. However, once I went clothes shopping and couldn’t find anything to fit my plank board frame, I’d spiral into depression and covet the “goods” other women had been blessed with.
For years, I went through this yo-yo cycle. Sometimes I’d be up and okay about my body, but then a lot of times I would plummet. My poor husband had to deal with me agonizing about it all the time. I would lament and whine to him about how “NOTHING FITS!” and “I LOOK LIKE A PRE-PUBESCENT BOY!” Each and every time he would tell me that I was beautiful and he loved me just the way I was, but…I couldn’t hear him because I was convinced if I had a body like Jessie’s, I’d be better.
Then one day, I was thinking about my girls and it hit me that all these years they had seen their mother cry and whine about not having a Marilyn Monroe body. In a moment of clarity, I realized that I would never be able to tell them to be thankful for their lives and the body God has given them if I’m dissing mine all the time. For the first time, I stopped and thanked God for my body. I thanked Him that it was healthy and strong. I thanked Him for my life. I thanked Him for a husband that had dealt with my belly-aching for so many years. I decided to let go of coveting what I couldn’t have and it has, in effect, made me happier.
The last commandment of the Ten Commandments is: You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
I struggled for a long time thinking about what to write on this because I don’t covet people’s homes or cars. I’m not that into clothes or brand names. Standing at the sink one night doing dishes, it dawned on me what I should write about. A little personal, I’ll grant you that, but I hope you can see what I’m trying to get across. Coveting never makes us happy. It makes us envious and jealous. It steals joy and keeps us from being grateful.
I want to be clear that I am in no way telling people that they are wrong if they have gotten plastic surgery. The church has no definitive teaching on the matter and as long as we aren’t doing it because we are completely vain (like me) or trying to garner lots of attention, it is not wrong in and of itself. It was not good for me because it was coming from a place of ingratitude and vanity. I completely understand why women would choose to go down that path and there are even good legitimate reasons for doing it such as restoring things after cancer or injury. My issue stemmed from a problem of coveting what another had and I was convinced it would make me happier. My view was skewed.
I still joke around with my sister about being a stick, but the seriousness that was once there is mostly gone now. I still hate swimsuit shopping (thank God for Jessica Rey’s swimsuits). There are moments when I slip back into old ways of thinking but I work hard to quickly change my outlook. Mostly I do that by being grateful and thankful. Counting your blessings is a wonderful cure for coveting.
I know that many of you won’t relate to my specific struggle with coveting another’s “goods,” but I hope you get the deeper point …
The post If I Can Just Have What You Have, I’ll Be Happy, Right? Right? appeared first on .
]]>This post may be TMI. I have toyed with this blog in my head for years. YEARS! Each time, I talk myself out of writing about it because I worry it’s going to be more than people want to hear. I’m gonna try not to be too in the weeds with the details. What I have to say, though, relates directly to one of the Ten Commandments.
(I’m changing a name for the sake of privacy)
Jessie Gray. In middle school, she was one year older than me and I had her in gym class. Middle school is hard enough, but when you are a late bloomer like I was, it can be a serious struggle. Jessie Gray had a beautiful, curvy body. I, on the other hand, resembled a twig. She had long, gorgeous flowing dark-brown hair. I had crunchy home-permed hair. I would stare at her in gym class and wish I could be her. I wished I could have a “womanly” body like her and hair to die for. She had confidence and I basically slunked around the locker room shrouded in a towel.
I love body type definitions. (Sarcasm alert) For swimsuits, I’m referred to as an “athletic build.”
Once I got into high school, Jessie Gray was there with her pin-up girl body and I envied her. We were cheerleaders together my junior year and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t wish God had given me a body like hers. I tried in vain to do everything I could to be more like her. The more I tried, the unhappier I became.
After having my first two children, I became obsessed with not having a curvy body. I would tell myself that if I could just hold up a swimsuit or a strapless dress, I’d be happy. If I could just get my body to look like Jessie’s, all my problems would be solved. I seriously contemplated plastic surgery.
I would watch those plastic surgery reality TV shows and cry. I’d become depressed when I realized the price was out of reach. Then, some weeks I’d be okay and think about my non-curves less and less. However, once I went clothes shopping and couldn’t find anything to fit my plank board frame, I’d spiral into depression and covet the “goods” other women had been blessed with.
For years, I went through this yo-yo cycle. Sometimes I’d be up and okay about my body, but then a lot of times I would plummet. My poor husband had to deal with me agonizing about it all the time. I would lament and whine to him about how “NOTHING FITS!” and “I LOOK LIKE A PRE-PUBESCENT BOY!” Each and every time he would tell me that I was beautiful and he loved me just the way I was, but…I couldn’t hear him because I was convinced if I had a body like Jessie’s, I’d be better.
Then one day, I was thinking about my girls and it hit me that all these years they had seen their mother cry and whine about not having a Marilyn Monroe body. In a moment of clarity, I realized that I would never be able to tell them to be thankful for their lives and the body God has given them if I’m dissing mine all the time. For the first time, I stopped and thanked God for my body. I thanked Him that it was healthy and strong. I thanked Him for my life. I thanked Him for a husband that had dealt with my belly-aching for so many years. I decided to let go of coveting what I couldn’t have and it has, in effect, made me happier.
The last commandment of the Ten Commandments is: You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
I struggled for a long time thinking about what to write on this because I don’t covet people’s homes or cars. I’m not that into clothes or brand names. Standing at the sink one night doing dishes, it dawned on me what I should write about. A little personal, I’ll grant you that, but I hope you can see what I’m trying to get across. Coveting never makes us happy. It makes us envious and jealous. It steals joy and keeps us from being grateful.
I want to be clear that I am in no way telling people that they are wrong if they have gotten plastic surgery. The church has no definitive teaching on the matter and as long as we aren’t doing it because we are completely vain (like me) or trying to garner lots of attention, it is not wrong in and of itself. It was not good for me because it was coming from a place of ingratitude and vanity. I completely understand why women would choose to go down that path and there are even good legitimate reasons for doing it such as restoring things after cancer or injury. My issue stemmed from a problem of coveting what another had and I was convinced it would make me happier. My view was skewed.
I still joke around with my sister about being a stick, but the seriousness that was once there is mostly gone now. I still hate swimsuit shopping (thank God for Jessica Rey’s swimsuits). There are moments when I slip back into old ways of thinking but I work hard to quickly change my outlook. Mostly I do that by being grateful and thankful. Counting your blessings is a wonderful cure for coveting.
I know that many of you won’t relate to my specific struggle with coveting another’s “goods,” but I hope you get the deeper point …
The post If I Can Just Have What You Have, I’ll Be Happy, Right? Right? appeared first on .
]]>
For the next seven weeks, I’m going to be running a series on the seven capital sins or, more popularly known as the seven deadly sins. I listen to a podcast called “Pints with Aquinas” by Matt Fradd and, last week, he ran a two-part series where he went over the seven capital sins. He used the works of St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Gregory the Great, a pope that lived during the 6th and early part of the 7th century. We often think of these ancient people as being not quite as smart as us today, however, when listening to their words, I am always struck by their wisdom, thoughtfulness, and contemplation of these weighty issues. I thought they were a great couple of podcasts and because they got me thinking so much, I decided to write about it to flesh out my thoughts even more. We don’t talk enough about sin, because we minimize it, rationalize it away, or even condone it. Our pride (one of the seven deadly sins) tells us that we don’t need to look at ourselves, in fact, we can’t stand examining ourselves at all. It’s uncomfortable, but sin should make us uncomfortable. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we have gotten–to quote Pink Floyd–“comfortably numb” to sin. Envy is the first sin I will cover. I hope these blogs make you think and challenge you.
ENVY
Envy is one of the capital sins that I readily recognize as a struggle for me. Every time I see a military spouse posting online about their next move, I get envious. It’s especially bad if they are moving overseas. Our family hasn’t been stationed overseas and I get incredibly envious of those who have lived there or who are on their way for the big adventure across the pond.
I, also, notice that I get envious if anyone is gaining more schooling or knowledge than me. I have a Master’s degree, so it’s not like I haven’t even been to school, but I get this envious twinge in my bones when I see others getting advanced degrees. It’s as if I don’t want anyone to be smarter than me, which is ridiculous, but Envy whispers, “What if you fall behind and they are held up as a superior intellect? What then?”
*St. Gregory the Great had this to say about envy:
“Envy is also wont to exhort the conquered heart, is if with reason, when it says, ‘In what art thou inferior to this or that person? Why then art thou not either equal or superior to them? What great things art thou able to do, which they are not able to do! They ought not then to be either superior, or even equal, to thyself.'”
What he is saying in more modern language is this: Envy is in the habit of strongly encouraging the conquered heart, as if with reason, to ask oneself, “How am I inferior to that person?! Why am I not equal or superior to them? What great things can I do that they cannot? They should not be superior or even equal to myself!”
These are the exact things I subconsciously ask myself. “Why is that family getting to go overseas and mine isn’t getting that experience? How dare they! What will it mean if that friend gets an advanced degree? Will I look not as educated? Will they be seen as an expert and not me?”
What usually follows from this is that I can’t even be happy for these people. Oh sure, I’ll pretend happiness, but internally, I’m a tortured mess. What makes me most sad about this sin is that because I can’t be happy for another’s success, I am not loving them right. In fact, I’m not really loving them at all. Love wills the good of another. If I’m sneering and seething over another’s good fortune or success, I’m not willing their good.
St. Gregory the Great says that envy brings with it other sins: Hatred, whispering, detraction, exultation at the misfortunes of a neighbor, and affliction at his prosperity.
This is so true. When envy takes root in our souls, these things come with it. We come to hate others or things, which robs us of joy. We whisper or gossip about them trying to bring them down a notch in our eyes. We are secretly gleeful when something goes badly for them. When something good does happen in their life, we are afflicted with inner turmoil and unrest.
I’m guilty of all these things. I don’t like the feeling envy creates in my soul. I don’t like being envious of people that I love or even people that I barely know. But, I can’t fix this about myself if I don’t call it out and own the fact that this is a sin that is very real to me. I’ve found that envy robs my joy. When I’m envious of another’s military move, I can’t even appreciate and enjoy the place that I’m stationed. I struggle to live in the present and am always thinking of what I’m missing out on or what could be mine. It steals my gratitude and peace.
Thankfully, God always gives us a way to battle sin. Each sin is in direct opposition to a virtue or a few virtues. Envy is in direct opposition to kindness. If we practice virtue, eventually we can smother sin. If I strive to be kind, it may be hard at first, but as I practice it and pray for strength to live it out, God will give me the actual grace I need to do that. The more you practice something, the easier it becomes and soon it becomes the way we live.
Envy is one of the things I confess frequently. When I have to call out my sin in front of the priest, it makes it forces it in front of my face. I feel like …
The post The Seven Deadly Sins–Part 1: Green With Envy appeared first on .
]]>For the next seven weeks, I’m going to be running a series on the seven capital sins or, more popularly known as the seven deadly sins. I listen to a podcast called “Pints with Aquinas” by Matt Fradd and, last week, he ran a two-part series where he went over the seven capital sins. He used the works of St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Gregory the Great, a pope that lived during the 6th and early part of the 7th century. We often think of these ancient people as being not quite as smart as us today, however, when listening to their words, I am always struck by their wisdom, thoughtfulness, and contemplation of these weighty issues. I thought they were a great couple of podcasts and because they got me thinking so much, I decided to write about it to flesh out my thoughts even more. We don’t talk enough about sin, because we minimize it, rationalize it away, or even condone it. Our pride (one of the seven deadly sins) tells us that we don’t need to look at ourselves, in fact, we can’t stand examining ourselves at all. It’s uncomfortable, but sin should make us uncomfortable. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we have gotten–to quote Pink Floyd–“comfortably numb” to sin. Envy is the first sin I will cover. I hope these blogs make you think and challenge you.
ENVY
Envy is one of the capital sins that I readily recognize as a struggle for me. Every time I see a military spouse posting online about their next move, I get envious. It’s especially bad if they are moving overseas. Our family hasn’t been stationed overseas and I get incredibly envious of those who have lived there or who are on their way for the big adventure across the pond.
I, also, notice that I get envious if anyone is gaining more schooling or knowledge than me. I have a Master’s degree, so it’s not like I haven’t even been to school, but I get this envious twinge in my bones when I see others getting advanced degrees. It’s as if I don’t want anyone to be smarter than me, which is ridiculous, but Envy whispers, “What if you fall behind and they are held up as a superior intellect? What then?”
*St. Gregory the Great had this to say about envy:
“Envy is also wont to exhort the conquered heart, is if with reason, when it says, ‘In what art thou inferior to this or that person? Why then art thou not either equal or superior to them? What great things art thou able to do, which they are not able to do! They ought not then to be either superior, or even equal, to thyself.'”
What he is saying in more modern language is this: Envy is in the habit of strongly encouraging the conquered heart, as if with reason, to ask oneself, “How am I inferior to that person?! Why am I not equal or superior to them? What great things can I do that they cannot? They should not be superior or even equal to myself!”
These are the exact things I subconsciously ask myself. “Why is that family getting to go overseas and mine isn’t getting that experience? How dare they! What will it mean if that friend gets an advanced degree? Will I look not as educated? Will they be seen as an expert and not me?”
What usually follows from this is that I can’t even be happy for these people. Oh sure, I’ll pretend happiness, but internally, I’m a tortured mess. What makes me most sad about this sin is that because I can’t be happy for another’s success, I am not loving them right. In fact, I’m not really loving them at all. Love wills the good of another. If I’m sneering and seething over another’s good fortune or success, I’m not willing their good.
St. Gregory the Great says that envy brings with it other sins: Hatred, whispering, detraction, exultation at the misfortunes of a neighbor, and affliction at his prosperity.
This is so true. When envy takes root in our souls, these things come with it. We come to hate others or things, which robs us of joy. We whisper or gossip about them trying to bring them down a notch in our eyes. We are secretly gleeful when something goes badly for them. When something good does happen in their life, we are afflicted with inner turmoil and unrest.
I’m guilty of all these things. I don’t like the feeling envy creates in my soul. I don’t like being envious of people that I love or even people that I barely know. But, I can’t fix this about myself if I don’t call it out and own the fact that this is a sin that is very real to me. I’ve found that envy robs my joy. When I’m envious of another’s military move, I can’t even appreciate and enjoy the place that I’m stationed. I struggle to live in the present and am always thinking of what I’m missing out on or what could be mine. It steals my gratitude and peace.
Thankfully, God always gives us a way to battle sin. Each sin is in direct opposition to a virtue or a few virtues. Envy is in direct opposition to kindness. If we practice virtue, eventually we can smother sin. If I strive to be kind, it may be hard at first, but as I practice it and pray for strength to live it out, God will give me the actual grace I need to do that. The more you practice something, the easier it becomes and soon it becomes the way we live.
Envy is one of the things I confess frequently. When I have to call out my sin in front of the priest, it makes it forces it in front of my face. I feel like …
The post The Seven Deadly Sins–Part 1: Green With Envy appeared first on .
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