I was in the parking lot of the BX (Base Exchange) the other day with my kids. As I was placing my goods in the car and getting my son buckled in, I heard loud shouting and cussing coming from somewhere in the parking lot. I couldn’t really hear what the person was so upset about, but I just wanted to get my kids in the car to save their ears from the man’s tirade. As I was getting in the car, a very angry man made his way to the car parked right in front of me. He was dressed in a nice suit, but what was coming out of his mouth was nothing but filth. I was one second away from telling him to watch his language, but at that exact moment, a woman came onto the scene.
She had been following behind her husband at a great distance. I could understand why. He was embarrassing her and quite possibly yelling at her. She had the look of a woman who had endured this for many years–the yelling, the hot temper, the insults, the words that cut like knives.
Her husband got in the car and slammed the door. As she passed in front of the car–her arms wrapped around her in a protective way–our eyes met. Her eyes full of sadness spoke volumes to me.
As she got in the car, she sat down and her husband immediately started in on her. I could tell he was yelling and cussing up a storm. She looked back up at me sitting across from her and I tried to tell her with my eyes that I cared. She hung her head and they drove away.
I used to be a counselor for victims of domestic violence and I know this story all too well. I know the look of a woman who has been through years of emotional abuse. It’s as if all the ugly words have squeezed out every ounce of self-esteem and self-confidence. Basically, they look unloved.
It angers me, because there is so little that can be done. The police can’t be bothered with emotional abuse–they are too busy dealing with all the other ways we, as humans, hurt each other.
Our words matter. They matter so much. We can lift up a life or we can cut it down. The manner in which we choose to speak to people says a lot about us. Our words reflect our souls.
I see so many married couples that use their words like a whip on the back of the one they claim to love. It’s such a sad, unnecessary tragedy. I always tell my children to listen to a person’s words and watch their actions. If the words and the actions are habitually opposed to each other, this is a person that cannot be trusted. I had boyfriends who proclaimed their love in words, yet their actions were hurtful and scarring. This is inconsistent and unhealthy for any relationship, not to mention terribly confusing.
Our marriages, and any relationship really, should not be a place where pain is the norm. If we say we love someone, we should always work to make them feel that love. A good man uses his words to lift up those around him. A good man always seeks to heal and help. A man is always at his best when he causes those around him to shine–sometimes even brighter than himself.
All of us–women and men–should always use our words and our actions to bring about love–especially in a marriage. Any person that I’ve ever met that has used words to cut people is not a joyful person. How could you be? Joy is not found in removing love from people’s lives.
“We can turn our heart through the words we say
Mountains crumble with every syllable
Hope can live or die”
Our words have power. Instinctively we know this, because if we are looking to make someone feel as rotten as we feel, we use words that reflect that darkness. If we have joy in our hearts and seek to love, our words are healing and helpful. At the times in my life when I have used words to hurt, I feel heavy–burdened. How light our hearts feel when our words bring life and love to someone.
I’ve been praying for the lady I saw–I know all too well the sting of painful words. I pray that her husband chooses to heal her broken heart. My heart was once broken, too, by boyfriends from my past. Upon entering my life, my husband spoke life and love to me and that has made all the difference. A person is truly strong when they choose to build up and not tear down.
“Look into the eyes of the broken hearted
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope, you speak love, you speak life.”
*Song lyrics are from Toby Mac’s song “Speak Life.”…
The post Our Words Have Power: Are We Using Them to Speak Love and Life? appeared first on .
]]>I was in the parking lot of the BX (Base Exchange) the other day with my kids. As I was placing my goods in the car and getting my son buckled in, I heard loud shouting and cussing coming from somewhere in the parking lot. I couldn’t really hear what the person was so upset about, but I just wanted to get my kids in the car to save their ears from the man’s tirade. As I was getting in the car, a very angry man made his way to the car parked right in front of me. He was dressed in a nice suit, but what was coming out of his mouth was nothing but filth. I was one second away from telling him to watch his language, but at that exact moment, a woman came onto the scene.
She had been following behind her husband at a great distance. I could understand why. He was embarrassing her and quite possibly yelling at her. She had the look of a woman who had endured this for many years–the yelling, the hot temper, the insults, the words that cut like knives.
Her husband got in the car and slammed the door. As she passed in front of the car–her arms wrapped around her in a protective way–our eyes met. Her eyes full of sadness spoke volumes to me.
As she got in the car, she sat down and her husband immediately started in on her. I could tell he was yelling and cussing up a storm. She looked back up at me sitting across from her and I tried to tell her with my eyes that I cared. She hung her head and they drove away.
I used to be a counselor for victims of domestic violence and I know this story all too well. I know the look of a woman who has been through years of emotional abuse. It’s as if all the ugly words have squeezed out every ounce of self-esteem and self-confidence. Basically, they look unloved.
It angers me, because there is so little that can be done. The police can’t be bothered with emotional abuse–they are too busy dealing with all the other ways we, as humans, hurt each other.
Our words matter. They matter so much. We can lift up a life or we can cut it down. The manner in which we choose to speak to people says a lot about us. Our words reflect our souls.
I see so many married couples that use their words like a whip on the back of the one they claim to love. It’s such a sad, unnecessary tragedy. I always tell my children to listen to a person’s words and watch their actions. If the words and the actions are habitually opposed to each other, this is a person that cannot be trusted. I had boyfriends who proclaimed their love in words, yet their actions were hurtful and scarring. This is inconsistent and unhealthy for any relationship, not to mention terribly confusing.
Our marriages, and any relationship really, should not be a place where pain is the norm. If we say we love someone, we should always work to make them feel that love. A good man uses his words to lift up those around him. A good man always seeks to heal and help. A man is always at his best when he causes those around him to shine–sometimes even brighter than himself.
All of us–women and men–should always use our words and our actions to bring about love–especially in a marriage. Any person that I’ve ever met that has used words to cut people is not a joyful person. How could you be? Joy is not found in removing love from people’s lives.
“We can turn our heart through the words we say
Mountains crumble with every syllable
Hope can live or die”
Our words have power. Instinctively we know this, because if we are looking to make someone feel as rotten as we feel, we use words that reflect that darkness. If we have joy in our hearts and seek to love, our words are healing and helpful. At the times in my life when I have used words to hurt, I feel heavy–burdened. How light our hearts feel when our words bring life and love to someone.
I’ve been praying for the lady I saw–I know all too well the sting of painful words. I pray that her husband chooses to heal her broken heart. My heart was once broken, too, by boyfriends from my past. Upon entering my life, my husband spoke life and love to me and that has made all the difference. A person is truly strong when they choose to build up and not tear down.
“Look into the eyes of the broken hearted
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope, you speak love, you speak life.”
*Song lyrics are from Toby Mac’s song “Speak Life.”…
The post Our Words Have Power: Are We Using Them to Speak Love and Life? appeared first on .
]]>
I’ve always thought Marilyn Monroe was probably one of the most beautiful women…ever. It’s a personal opinion, I know, but most people don’t deny that there’s just something about her. A few years back, I watched the movie Some Like It Hot starring Ms. Monroe and I loved it. I highly recommend watching it. I wanted to know more about her, because, well, everyone talks about her and pictures of her are everywhere. So, I got a biography. I like to know people. I like to know what has made them who they are, what makes them tick, and what’s their story. I’ll come back to this…
When I was in high school, my first several boyfriends were not nice. And that’s me…being nice. Starting high school, I was pleased with my looks. I was a little dorky, but not over the top. I didn’t have a lot of fashion sense, but I didn’t really care either. I was happy with my looks. Content. Enter boyfriend number one.
He pretty much took any self-esteem I had and dragged it out of me, stomped on it, dumped cow manure on it, and lit it on fire. Everywhere I turned, he commented on other girls’ looks. I never, ever measured up. It was always, “Why don’t you try and look like her”? Or my personal favorite, “She is so hot, I would give anything to go out with her.” Remember, this was always said in front of me. I was never hot enough, or cool enough, or whatever for him. It crushed my heart. I tried everything I could to become what I thought he wanted and my efforts never amounted to anything other than agony.
My second boyfriend was pretty much the same. My self-esteem was already tanked by the time he came along, so there wasn’t too much to trample on, but his vicious word blows still knocked the wind out of me. Every girl wants to feel like she is a beauty in the eyes of the one that claims to love her. When that doesn’t happen, it’s difficult to handle. I was confident in the fact that I was smart, athletic, and a decent person, but the attacks on my physical appearance left some heavy duty scars.
When I was first dating my husband, he always complimented me on my looks, but, unfortunately, I could not accept what he was saying. I didn’t believe him. I thought he was just trying to be a nice guy. It did not make sense to me that two previous boyfriends thought I was on par with a troll under a bridge and, yet, here was Dustin telling me I was “so beautiful.” These were conflicting opinions and in my mind only the first two boyfriends could be right, because, well, two against one. It took a long, long time for me to finally learn to graciously accept my husband’s genuine compliments–a long time. To be honest, there are still times when the wounds of the past allow doubt to creep into my mind and I wonder if I’m enough.
So back to Marilyn Monroe. I think for me, my draw to her was a healing process. I saw pictures of Marilyn and how people just “ooh” and “aah” over her. Deep down I wanted to know what it was like to be one of the most physically beautiful people on earth. Was their life better? Did they have great self-esteem? Reading through the pages of her biography I learned a lot about her. In conclusion, I walked away from that book very sad. She was so lonely, so unhappy, so friendless, so desperate for authentic love that her life left me feeling sorry for her. Because of her beauty, she never really knew if anyone really and truly liked her, for her. Men lusted after her and women were envious of her, which, consequently left her with no one in the world.
So, I bought some pictures of her. I hang them up on my wall because she is a reminder to me that you can seemingly have it all–fame, beauty–and still be miserable. Not that I’m glad she was miserable in the slightest, in fact, I wish it had been different for her. She had beauty and adoration, but no real love. Men gushed over her beauty, but it was all hollow. In a way, since reading her book and watching her movies, I wish I could have been her friend; to see more in her than her physical beauty. We had the opposite problem and, yet, we still carried related scars. Her scar was cut over people only seeing her beauty; my scars were seared over people telling me I had none.
So, when we lived near Los Angeles, I went to visit her grave.
I know, that might seem weird.
Anyway, I went there and said a prayer for her hoping that she found peace and knows love. I also keep her pictures on my wall, to remind myself that we need to love people whether they are beautiful or not. We need to love them and see them for who they really are inside. She reminds me to look past the surface and look deeper because when we don’t we miss out on something special–the unique individual God created.
Our words matter. I realize now that my early boyfriends were mean and cruel and their comments had everything to do with their low self-esteem rather than my apparent lack of beauty. As a teenager, though, I didn’t know what to do with their accusations and comments. I also realize that they were wrong. I may not be the most beautiful woman on earth, but I’ve learned not to measure my beauty by insensitive jerks that only appreciate superficial things.
I’ve talked to my girls about these past boyfriends and how they hurt me. I want them to understand that if any boy/man ever slings ugly, vicious comments …
The post How Marilyn Monroe Taught Me Beauty Isn’t Everything appeared first on .
]]>
I’ve always thought Marilyn Monroe was probably one of the most beautiful women…ever. It’s a personal opinion, I know, but most people don’t deny that there’s just something about her. A few years back, I watched the movie Some Like It Hot starring Ms. Monroe and I loved it. I highly recommend watching it. I wanted to know more about her, because, well, everyone talks about her and pictures of her are everywhere. So, I got a biography. I like to know people. I like to know what has made them who they are, what makes them tick, and what’s their story. I’ll come back to this…
When I was in high school, my first several boyfriends were not nice. And that’s me…being nice. Starting high school, I was pleased with my looks. I was a little dorky, but not over the top. I didn’t have a lot of fashion sense, but I didn’t really care either. I was happy with my looks. Content. Enter boyfriend number one.
He pretty much took any self-esteem I had and dragged it out of me, stomped on it, dumped cow manure on it, and lit it on fire. Everywhere I turned, he commented on other girls’ looks. I never, ever measured up. It was always, “Why don’t you try and look like her”? Or my personal favorite, “She is so hot, I would give anything to go out with her.” Remember, this was always said in front of me. I was never hot enough, or cool enough, or whatever for him. It crushed my heart. I tried everything I could to become what I thought he wanted and my efforts never amounted to anything other than agony.
My second boyfriend was pretty much the same. My self-esteem was already tanked by the time he came along, so there wasn’t too much to trample on, but his vicious word blows still knocked the wind out of me. Every girl wants to feel like she is a beauty in the eyes of the one that claims to love her. When that doesn’t happen, it’s difficult to handle. I was confident in the fact that I was smart, athletic, and a decent person, but the attacks on my physical appearance left some heavy duty scars.
When I was first dating my husband, he always complimented me on my looks, but, unfortunately, I could not accept what he was saying. I didn’t believe him. I thought he was just trying to be a nice guy. It did not make sense to me that two previous boyfriends thought I was on par with a troll under a bridge and, yet, here was Dustin telling me I was “so beautiful.” These were conflicting opinions and in my mind only the first two boyfriends could be right, because, well, two against one. It took a long, long time for me to finally learn to graciously accept my husband’s genuine compliments–a long time. To be honest, there are still times when the wounds of the past allow doubt to creep into my mind and I wonder if I’m enough.
So back to Marilyn Monroe. I think for me, my draw to her was a healing process. I saw pictures of Marilyn and how people just “ooh” and “aah” over her. Deep down I wanted to know what it was like to be one of the most physically beautiful people on earth. Was their life better? Did they have great self-esteem? Reading through the pages of her biography I learned a lot about her. In conclusion, I walked away from that book very sad. She was so lonely, so unhappy, so friendless, so desperate for authentic love that her life left me feeling sorry for her. Because of her beauty, she never really knew if anyone really and truly liked her, for her. Men lusted after her and women were envious of her, which, consequently left her with no one in the world.
So, I bought some pictures of her. I hang them up on my wall because she is a reminder to me that you can seemingly have it all–fame, beauty–and still be miserable. Not that I’m glad she was miserable in the slightest, in fact, I wish it had been different for her. She had beauty and adoration, but no real love. Men gushed over her beauty, but it was all hollow. In a way, since reading her book and watching her movies, I wish I could have been her friend; to see more in her than her physical beauty. We had the opposite problem and, yet, we still carried related scars. Her scar was cut over people only seeing her beauty; my scars were seared over people telling me I had none.
So, when we lived near Los Angeles, I went to visit her grave.
I know, that might seem weird.
Anyway, I went there and said a prayer for her hoping that she found peace and knows love. I also keep her pictures on my wall, to remind myself that we need to love people whether they are beautiful or not. We need to love them and see them for who they really are inside. She reminds me to look past the surface and look deeper because when we don’t we miss out on something special–the unique individual God created.
Our words matter. I realize now that my early boyfriends were mean and cruel and their comments had everything to do with their low self-esteem rather than my apparent lack of beauty. As a teenager, though, I didn’t know what to do with their accusations and comments. I also realize that they were wrong. I may not be the most beautiful woman on earth, but I’ve learned not to measure my beauty by insensitive jerks that only appreciate superficial things.
I’ve talked to my girls about these past boyfriends and how they hurt me. I want them to understand that if any boy/man ever slings ugly, vicious comments …
The post How Marilyn Monroe Taught Me Beauty Isn’t Everything appeared first on .
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