How Marilyn Monroe Taught Me Beauty Isn’t Everything

I’ve always thought Marilyn Monroe was probably one of the most beautiful women…ever. It’s a personal opinion, I know, but most people don’t deny that there’s just something about her. A few years back, I watched the movie Some Like It Hot starring Ms. Monroe and I loved it. I highly recommend watching it. I wanted to know more about her, because, well, everyone talks about her and pictures of her are everywhere. So, I got a biography. I like to know people. I like to know what has made them who they are, what makes them tick, and what’s their story. I’ll come back to this…

When I was in high school, my first several boyfriends were not nice. And that’s me…being nice. Starting high school, I was pleased with my looks. I was a little dorky, but not over the top. I didn’t have a lot of fashion sense, but I didn’t really care either. I was happy with my looks. Content. Enter boyfriend number one.

He pretty much took any self-esteem I had and dragged it out of me, stomped on it, dumped cow manure on it, and lit it on fire. Everywhere I turned, he commented on other girls’ looks. I never, ever measured up. It was always, “Why don’t you try and look like her”? Or my personal favorite, “She is so hot, I would give anything to go out with her.” Remember, this was always said in front of me. I was never hot enough, or cool enough, or whatever for him. It crushed my heart. I tried everything I could to become what I thought he wanted and my efforts never amounted to anything other than agony.

My second boyfriend was pretty much the same. My self-esteem was already tanked by the time he came along, so there wasn’t too much to trample on, but his vicious word blows still knocked the wind out of me. Every girl wants to feel like she is a beauty in the eyes of the one that claims to love her. When that doesn’t happen, it’s difficult to handle. I was confident in the fact that I was smart, athletic, and a decent person, but the attacks on my physical appearance left some heavy duty scars.

When I was first dating my husband, he always complimented me on my looks, but, unfortunately, I could not accept what he was saying. I didn’t believe him. I thought he was just trying to be a nice guy. It did not make sense to me that two previous boyfriends thought I was on par with a troll under a bridge and, yet, here was Dustin telling me I was “so beautiful.”  These were conflicting opinions and in my mind only the first two boyfriends could be right, because, well, two against one. It took a long, long time for me to finally learn to graciously accept my husband’s genuine compliments–a long time. To be honest, there are still times when the wounds of the past allow doubt to creep into my mind and I wonder if I’m enough.

So back to Marilyn Monroe. I think for me, my draw to her was a healing process. I saw pictures of Marilyn and how people just “ooh” and “aah” over her. Deep down I wanted to know what it was like to be one of the most physically beautiful people on earth. Was their life better? Did they have great self-esteem? Reading through the pages of her biography I learned a lot about her. In conclusion, I walked away from that book very sad. She was so lonely, so unhappy, so friendless, so desperate for authentic love that her life left me feeling sorry for her. Because of her beauty, she never really knew if anyone really and truly liked her, for her. Men lusted after her and women were envious of her, which, consequently left her with no one in the world.

So, I bought some pictures of her. I hang them up on my wall because she is a reminder to me that you can seemingly have it all–fame, beauty–and still be miserable. Not that I’m glad she was miserable in the slightest, in fact, I wish it had been different for her. She had beauty and adoration, but no real love. Men gushed over her beauty, but it was all hollow. In a way, since reading her book and watching her movies, I wish I could have been her friend; to see more in her than her physical beauty. We had the opposite problem and, yet, we still carried related scars. Her scar was cut over people only seeing her beauty; my scars were seared over people telling me I had none.

So, when we lived near Los Angeles, I went to visit her grave.

I know, that might seem weird.

No, I did not kiss the wall.

Anyway, I went there and said a prayer for her hoping that she found peace and knows love. I also keep her pictures on my wall, to remind myself that we need to love people whether they are beautiful or not. We need to love them and see them for who they really are inside. She reminds me to look past the surface and look deeper because when we don’t we miss out on something special–the unique individual God created.

Our words matter. I realize now that my early boyfriends were mean and cruel and their comments had everything to do with their low self-esteem rather than my apparent lack of beauty. As a teenager, though, I didn’t know what to do with their accusations and comments. I also realize that they were wrong. I may not be the most beautiful woman on earth, but I’ve learned not to measure my beauty by insensitive jerks that only appreciate superficial things.

I’ve talked to my girls about these past boyfriends and how they hurt me. I want them to understand that if any boy/man ever slings ugly, vicious comments at them, he is not someone to waste time on. A man that really loves them will always work to build them up and will value their inner beauty more than the outer. I stress to them to look for the guy who is man enough to see past the surface and seeks out the person God created them to be.

(Please, no pity for my story.  I don’t write these things to receive pity or comfort. I write them because I want to use my stories to help others. I have made peace with all of this and don’t share for attention.)

Visit My Store

, ,

2 responses to “How Marilyn Monroe Taught Me Beauty Isn’t Everything”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

X