But, I Haven’t Killed Anyone…

When I was in middle school, there was a classmate of mine that lived at the end of my street. I’ll call her Stacy. Stacy was awkward, shy, and one of those girls that blended into the background. The houses at the end of my street were the “not-so-nice” ones. She lived in a worn-down, ugly brown duplex. I knew she didn’t have much. If my memory serves me right, she didn’t have her father living with her. In school, she had few friends and I rarely, if ever, talked to her. Looking back through adult eyes, I can see that her life was probably very difficult.

One day, I got the bright idea to go down to her house and torture her. I have no idea why I thought of doing this, but I talked a friend into accompanying me in my base behavior. I had nothing really against her and she had never done anything to warrant my behavior. No, it was all my sick idea for no good reason whatsoever.

We went to her house and banged on her windows and called her names. We rang her doorbell and harassed her incessantly. I dialed her phone number over and over again and each time I bullied her. I brought her to tears and even that wasn’t enough to stop me. I’m pretty sure, at one point, I laughed the laugh of one who is sunk into darkness. This was not a shining moment for me. I think it was her threatening to call the cops that put the breaks on.

Stacy moved away sometime during our school years. I really don’t know when exactly. As I have thought over my life, I often think back to her and that day when I was so cruel. It is my hope that what I did to her didn’t leave a lasting scar. I wish I could say I was sorry. I pray that she is healthy and happy and that life has been good to her. I completely regret how I treated her and it is my fear that in some way I caused damage to her soul. I don’t think I was the only person who was ever cruel to her and people can only take so much.

We are all pretty familiar with the Ten Commandments. If you are anything like me, whenever you hear number five–Thou shall not kill–you brush it off. Why? Because you’re not a killer, that’s why. Number five is for the bad people–the very bad people. I simply am not one of those and therefore number five–the don’t murder commandment–doesn’t really apply to me. Or does it?

Everyone always thinks of bodily murder when they read this commandment. Since so few of us, thankfully, commit murder, we tend to not really ponder on this commandment. However, there are different facets to it. What about trying to kill a person’s self-esteem? Dignity? What if we try to wound their heart on purpose which causes detrimental pain? What if we wound someone so bad that they sort of “die” inside and find functioning in this world nearly impossible? Unless you live in a hidden cave, you are aware that in recent years bullying has lead many young people to take their lives. The deplorable treatment of POWs during war by some countries has left many men and women as shells of themselves. Some can’t even go on living. When I worked as a counselor to victims of sexual abuse, I saw how the perpetrators “murdered” the hearts and souls of their victims. They stripped them of innocence, dignity, confidence, and, for many, hope. The abusers had “murdered” who they once were and in the aftermath was just a ghost that felt dead inside.

You might be saying at this point, “Geez Louise, Lady, don’t read so much into it. You’re taking it a tad too far. You’re gonna make us all question our every move. The commandment simply says, ‘Thou shall not kill.’ Don’t complicate it.”

I answer that by asking, “Wouldn’t it be better if we did think about our actions and the consequences it can have on our fellow humans?” Wouldn’t it be better if we stopped to think about how we treat people? Are we treating them with dignity? Are we treating them as a special unique individual? Don’t you think that if we did, many of our problems in this world would vanish? What if the teen actually thought about the harm that bullying can do? What if all countries treated POWs as humans instead of like dogs they hate? What if sexual predators thought about the harm they can inflict on someone when they forcefully take what isn’t theirs? Would things not be better if we actually took it a step further? Look around us, everywhere you turn people are trying to “slay” others through words and actions.

The truth is, there can be a smug satisfaction when thinking about the 5th Commandment. Most of us don’t physically kill and in our minds that makes us “good people.” Yet, in all of us, there is the ability to harm in other ways through anger, hatred, and vengeance. There isn’t a single one of us that is safe from traveling down paths that make us the enemy of one another. Christ said in Matthew 5:21, “You have heard that is was said to your ancestors ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment.” Christ isn’t taking away from the 5th Commandment, He’s extending it.

Christ told us, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” If only I had sought peace instead of war with Stacy. If only I had sought to befriend her instead of bully her. She didn’t fight me back but instead trembled and cried. What I did was horribly ugly and I don’t know if it had lasting negative effects. What I do know is that we never regret adding more love to the world around us. People may be frustrated that it doesn’t seem to produce any results or change, but nobody lies on their deathbed and says, “I wish I hadn’t loved so much.” There will come a point in each of our lives, though, where we will regret the times we chose hate, rage, and unjustified violence. We may never speak the words of regret out loud, but we will feel it in our souls. I least I hope we do.

So you don’t murder? Fantastic. Let’s take it a step further. There is always room for improvement and change. The best thing we can always do is replace vice with virtue. The more we work to snuff out vice in our lives, the more room there is for virtue to grow. We can work to be kind. We can work to be meek. Don’t read meekness as wimpiness. Read it as humble, patient, and gentle. I know, I know, it sounds like a doormat, but I could use more humble, patient, and gentle people in my life. I’d rather that than prideful, impatient, and harsh people and I think you would, too.

Christ always invites us to go deeper, look deeper, so that we can be more like Him. We can’t look at it as a bad thing but as a chance to always grow more and more into who God made us to be.

When I asked my readers for ideas of what to write in the new year, one person mentioned that they’d like me to go more in-depth on the Ten Commandments. I plan to do one blog each month on one of the Commandments.