Years ago, back when I was a young college student, I was sitting one day in a lounge chair reading the student newspaper in the library on campus. During breaks between classes, I always went to the library and read the newspaper front to back and then I would tackle the crossword puzzle found on one of the back pages. One day, I was reading an opinion article by one of the student journalist. I always disagreed with nearly everything he wrote and this day was no different. He had written about how wrong it was for the Boy Scouts to deny homosexual men to be troop leaders. Every word of his article raised my blood pressure more and more. By the time I was done reading it, I was ready for a fight.

I hopped onto the nearest computer (there were few laptops at that time, so I date myself) and I fired off a reply to him in no less than 10 minutes. I listed off all the reasonings why I disagreed with the author of the opinion piece. I was pleased as punch with myself. I was standing up for sexual purity! I was fighting the good fight! I was backing up the Bible and defending its teachings!

The only problem was that I didn't live up to the teachings of the Bible when it came to sex. I was in a relationship where my boyfriend and I had been engaged in pre-marital sex for years. Never once, in writing that rebuttal, did I think to look over my own life and see if I had fallen into sexual sin. Not to mention, I was utterly and completely uncharitable. I was blinded by the beam in my eye--that big, big beam.

My rebuttal got published the next day and I was completely satisfied with myself. In fact, I didn't really give it a second thought after that day until years and years later when I started looking over the landscape of our broken culture. I was thinking about all the sexual sins that go on in our country and how no one seems to bat an eye. Sure, some people try to talk about purity and chastity, but they are laughed out of the building. I wondered how we got to the point of this "whatever, Man, do what makes you feel good" attitude. How have we gotten to the point where fornication, homosexual acts, and pornography are not only commonplace but defended and completely accepted by most in society? How have we lost the moral high ground? Then, like being hit with a 2x4 (that beam I'd been lugging around), I realized that I had contributed to the problem.

Sure, sexual sins have been going on since the most ancient of days. Read the Bible and it's pretty apparent that people were engaging in some pretty heinous stuff in the sexual department. What we are dealing with is nothing new. There was a time in pagan cultures when it was pretty much anything goes. Incest was no biggy. Fornication was fine. Orgies were a thing. Child sexual abuse was not seen as bad. Homosexual acts were normal. Spouses cheated on each other, but so what?

We can see in the Old Testament many stories of people engaged in sexual sins and God is not pleased and most of the time bad things happen to them. Then Christ comes along and He takes it to a whole other level. He tells us in Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

"Whoa, Jesus, even lust is bad? Are you sure you're not just being a kill-joy? I mean, come on, lust?"

St. Paul, writing with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit talks about sexual sins in nearly every letter he wrote. In 1 Corinthians 6:9 he says, "Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites." Seriously, read just about any letter written by St. Paul and he covers sexual sin and talks about how wrong it is. Yet, here we are in 2024 and nearly all sexual sins are encouraged, if not celebrated.

But, how did we get here? I have a theory. Most of us, not all, but most of us have engaged in at least one kind of sexual sin, if not multiple. I'm gonna have to raise my hand for the "multiple" category. However, most of us never want to look at what we ourselves are doing wrong, but are more interested in what others are doing wrong. We lack self-examination. We are quick to point out other people's sexual faults and live in a state of denial about our own. Yet, over time, as it's become less and less taboo to talk about sex, people have been more open about what they have been doing behind closed doors. As we expose ourselves, we realize that we want to keep doing our sexual sins and so, who are we really to call anyone else out on theirs? We subconsciously think, "I don't want them telling me what I'm doing is wrong, so I really can't tell them what they are doing is wrong. I want to keep doing _____________ (fill in the blank), so I really should be fine with Mr. So and So doing ______________ (fill in the blank).

I realize that this won't make a lick of difference to the non-believing crowd, in fact, it will probably enrage them. They lack a belief in God and, therefore, don't feel obligated to adhere to what the Bible teaches or commands. They will just see this as a bunch of puritanical, sex-hating nonsense. To add to that, they view us as mostly a bunch of hypocrites. They are right in saying that Christians seem to focus solely and wholly on homosexual acts because we do. They see us as a bunch of hypocrites because of the frequency with which we engage in all the other sexual sins mentioned in the Bible. They would be correct in pointing out our hypocrisy. In defense, one might say, as I've heard, "Well, homosexual behavior is the only sexual sin people are trying to normalize, so that's why we are so focused on it!"

To which I say, stop fooling yourself. Nobody bats an eye at pre-marital sex anymore. I've seen Christians talk about how viewing pornography spices up a marriage. I know plenty--PLENTY--of Christians who went to see "50 Shades of Grey" and the like. We ourselves have helped to "normalize" these things.

We are always meant to go a little deeper with the Ten Commandments. The 6th Commandment of "Thou shall not commit adultery" is meant to be thought of deeply. We can't simply say, "Well, I don't commit adultery, so I'm good to go!" What's the deeper meaning?

God created sex for the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman. Christ is pretty clear on what marriage is and it takes some mental gymnastics to get around it. Sex is a beautiful gift meant to be shared in the context of a committed, marital relationship. It's life-giving and it builds love between the spouses. So, why does God only speak of adultery then? Why not all the other sexual sins?

They are all encompassed, though, if you think about it. If sex is meant for marriage between a man and woman only, then anything else is outside of marriage. Viewing pornography and getting sexual pleasure from another is stepping outside of the marriage bond--even if you are a married couple watching it together. You are lusting after another and Christ doesn't want that for your marriage. If you are engaging in pre-marital sex, you are outside of the bounds of marriage. One day, you may have a spouse and you will drag the baggage of your past lovers into your relationship. Your spouse may have to compete with their memory and you aren't able to fully give the gift of your virginity to your spouse, because you gave it away to another that was not your spouse. I was not able to give my husband that gift. I regret it, I truly do.

We learn through Catholic teaching that the love between spouses should be free, fruitful, total, and faithful. Anytime you engage in sex outside of traditional marriage, you can't give of yourself totally and faithfully and, sometimes, not fruitfully. Most people don't want to be fruitful outside of marriage. I know this is contrary to everything the culture believes in. The culture has adopted a "whatever feels good" motto. Well....they do add on the consent addendum, but other than that....

In our culture, sex is pretty much on par with an idol in many people's lives, yet at the same time, it's treated like nothing more than a recreational activity. It's either extremely important or it isn't. If the culture's way is right, we should expect to find health and joy, but we don't. We look around and, if we are really being honest, we see broken hearts, broken homes, used bodies, STDs, sex slaves, millions of babies killed because they are unwanted, etc. This is not a picture of health.

God reveals to us that sex is sacred. It's a special gift not meant to be shared with just whoever. If its sacred then it makes sense that God would set boundaries around it. Think of your most precious item. Do you just lay it out on the kitchen counter? Do you let your kids or pets play with it? Do you take it out and roll it around in the mud or let strangers handle it when you are out and about? Of course not. You put it somewhere safe and guard it. You bring it out on special occasions. You don't let just anyone play or mess with it. You wouldn't leave it out for strangers to have a chance at taking it. I think you get my point.

I regret all those years ago in college that I didn't look at myself first when I whipped off that reply to the student journalist. It was hypocritical of me to call out someone else's sexual sin while not looking at my own. I realize now that how I was living then was wrong. I added to the irreverent way we, as a society, treat sex. I didn't hold myself to the same standard that I was holding other people and, for that, I am sorry. I have asked with sincere sorrow for forgiveness and I'm so grateful to have received God's mercy. All I can do now is make sure that I'm living out Christ's teachings and that I show the beauty of marriage in my relationship with my husband. I have to look different; I want to look different than the secular culture. I've lived the other path and it never brought me joy. I don't want to be apart of the problem anymore. I know now why the Church teaches what it teaches about sex and it's a beautiful message--one full of true freedom and authentic love.

I was asked by one of my followers to go deeper into the Ten Commandments. Here are my other blogs since the beginning of the year.

But, I Haven't Killed Anyone....

I've Had An Idol Or Two