“How do you have a good prayer life?”
I’ve been asked this question numerous times over the years. To be clear, I’m not a perfect prayer life guru. I’ve had moments in my life where I never prayed, moments where I’ve been hitting on all cylinders, and everywhere in between. I know I’m not alone.
Two questions need to be asked before even beginning the discussion of how to have a good prayer life.
What is holding you back?
I think it is important to be brutally honest with yourself on this point. Why don’t you have a good prayer life? What is your road block? To explore this, here are some additional questions to consider:
Do you find it boring?
Is temptation to do something else a problem?
Do you not “feel” anything and therefore think you are doing it wrong?
Do you not have the time? And if so, why not?
Are there too many distractions?
When you pray are you too tired?
Do you not know how?
I think it is imperative that you find what your road block is because, otherwise, you can’t fix anything. It’s okay to be honest about this; God wants you to be honest about this. Explore these questions and find what your trigger point is, realizing that it may be multiple things.
What are your expectations?
What do you think a good prayer life looks like? Many people think they don’t have a good prayer life if they aren’t steeped in ecstatic prayer for a good hour. I used to think that only giving five minutes of time was a waste and, frankly, demeaning to God.
“Better to wait,” I thought, “until I can give some quantity time.” Notice I said quantity, not quality. I was under the belief that I had to reach an arbitrary maximum number of minutes in order to for my prayer to be worthwhile. This simply isn’t true.
I, also, used to think that prayer only included me sitting there in silence while listing off a litany of wants and needs.
Here are a few things to consider:
- There are many ways to pray. Turn on music and sing a song to God. Pick a book of the Bible and spend ten minutes each day to reflect on a few verses. Offer up quick prayers throughout your day for yourself and others.
- Everybody gets distracted. When you find yourself distracted, just get back on track.
- Most people do not have hours to spend in prayer. That’s okay. We have kids, spouses, jobs, errands, and other demands that fill up a day. If you can give a devoted five minutes of your day to God that is an excellent start.
- Your prayer life will look different in different seasons of your life. It’s okay to adjust. I’m not a sleep-deprived mother anymore; I have more time to give in the mornings because my children are not little bitties. God understands that different seasons and circumstances will make your prayer life look different. He desires something over nothing.
A good number of people feel they are failing at prayer because they can’t/don’t have a power hour each morning. We read stories of saints that were able to do that and we think that we must imitate them exactly. Would it be great to get an hour in like St. John Paul II or Venerable Fulton Sheen? Oh, absolutely! Maybe some day you can get there. But, assess where you are right now and see what works. It’s, also, unreasonable to think that you can go from 0 to 60 right out of the gate. Start with something that is manageable and sustainable.
Everybody’s prayer life looks different. I get up around 6 a.m. and read my Magnificat. I’ve been doing this for years. My prayer time often consists of me sitting and pondering what I’ve read. I mentally talk with God about a saint I’ve read about or the Gospel reading. Sometimes, I just talk about what is going on in my life: What I’m worried about, excited for, or I’ll count my blessings.
To be sure, though, my way won’t work for everybody. You have to find what most connects you to God. The best way to do that is to explore the two main questions I laid out above. Honestly reflect on those and after you do, I think you’ll be a on a good path to having a fruitful prayer life.
Live the Faith boldly, Catholic Pilgrims, and travel well.
