When Mother Teresa died, I was not Catholic. In fact, I was a Protestant on life-support, meaning that I was barely, and I mean barely, eeking out a faith life. I remember, though, exactly where I was the day she died. I was in my college dorm room just starting out on my freshman year. As if compelled, I sat in my concrete living cell and watched constant news footage of her life. There was something about Mother Teresa that captivated. Sure, I knew that she was some kind of “do-gooder” in the world, but beyond that knowledge, I was woefully ignorant. I remember thinking to myself, “I could never be like her.”
Thankfully, I didn’t say that in a criticizing way towards her. There was something about her smile, her eyes, her simple goodness that shined with a light that I didn’t fully understand. Limping along in my own spiritual journey, I couldn’t put a name to her light but I know now that it is holiness. For years, I secretly sneered at holiness as something limited to “holy-rollers” and “lame” people. How could you have an interesting life while standing around with hands folded constantly in prayer? No “saint” had a cool story to tell in my estimation. I didn’t even really understand what a saint was but I was sure they must be unbearable boring people.
Once I became Catholic, I learned about Mother Teresa and my eyes opened to her life story. I am ashamed to admit that I had ever written her off as boring, lame, or a holy-roller. As she is ever present in Catholic circles, I frequently read about her and I am continually inspired by her willingness to “go the distance” for Christ and love of neighbor.
Each time I read about her, I wonder if I could be like her. I don’t mean necessarily in the exact way that she impacted the world, but like her in holiness. Each time, I know deep down I still lack what she had–obedience and submission to the Will of God. I am still stubbornly vain, prideful, and propelled by my own self-will. Yet, I know for certain, that I have it in me to be holy as she was here on earth. My certainty comes from realizing that God made us all for holiness. It requires, though, that we muster the courage to let go of our self-will and bravely follow God into the the adventure He planned for us.
An atheist once asked me why God allows so much suffering in the world. I replied back, “Do you realize that most of the suffering in the world is caused by human hands? We should blame ourselves, not God. Take away God you still have all that suffering. Add God in and you get people like Mother Teresa who seek to heal suffering in the least of us because of love of God.”
The reason we aren’t all like Mother Teresa isn’t because we lack the capacity; it’s because we lack the desire to hand over our lives the way she did. She was a wonderful imitator of Christ and, because of that, love and goodness were spread in the darkest of places.
I pray God gives us that desire and that we, in turn, respond to the graces He gives to us.
St. Mother Teresa, pray for us.
