One morning, when I was back home visiting my family in Kansas, my mom and I were sitting having coffee together. We got on the topic of trying to do God’s Will in our lives. I said to my mom, “I’ve always been afraid that if I completely surrender to God and do His Will in my life, He’s going to ask me to leave my family and go be a missionary or something in a dangerous location.”
My mom laughed and said, “Me, too!”
It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t the only one who thought this way. I mean, it’s been a real fear of mine that complete surrender to God would mean something as awful as abandoning my family. It’s kind of an irrational notion: God would bless my marriage to a wonderful man, entrust children to my care, and then tell me to abandon them?
But, I’m not the only one that thinks this way. Why is it, though, that we think God’s Will for our lives is the most radically difficult option? We don’t have the tendency to think that God will ask us to faithfully and fully live out our Catholic Faith in a way that is becoming of our talents and vocation. No, we typically jump to the worst-case scenario and something that we have zero desire to do. This worst-case scenario paralyzes us and instills fear which, consequently, leaves us only giving half our hearts to God. The thought process becomes, “I don’t want to give too much of myself or, man, God will ask me to sink my life down the tubes. I’ll just stay over here in the ‘safe zone.’”
As I’ve thought about this conversation with my mom, I’ve realized that this is exactly the kind of tactic that Satan would deploy to keep Christians from surrendering to God’s Will for their lives. Of course, he would. This is not to say that God’s Will doesn’t ask hard things of us or that we won’t have to get out of our comfort zone. There have been saints up and down the ages who have surrendered to God’s Holy Will and been asked to go into the unknown, the dangerous, and the deadly. It’s not as if God’s Will will equate a cushy life free of sacrifice and tough times. God’s Will for our life isn’t simply “wealth and health” as some would have you believe.
As I look back over the course of my life, I see how God prepared me for what I believe is my calling. I’m outspoken, I like telling stories, I have a strong sense of right and wrong, I like to speak and write, and I’m an open book. All this has led me to blogging, writing books, making videos, going on pilgrimages, and even to living in Turkey. I’m not a private person so I don’t mind sharing my sins, my failings, my faults, and my short-comings as a Christian. However, putting myself out there to share the faith in the way I do, draws lots of criticism, hateful words, and scorn. Make no mistake, I’m not comparing my struggles to Christians who have worn the crown of martyrdom or been violently persecuted. I’m just saying that it’s not always an easy street, but I feel very called to bring Christ to others in this way.
Another trap I think we can fall into is thinking that God’s Will for us must be spectacular or it’s not worth our time. We believe we have to do something truly monumental. So, we sit around waiting for God to call us to some impressive task or vocation all the while missing the subtle nudgings of Christ. This is pride talking. Many of us want our calling to be thrilling and of earth-shattering magnitude. “God wants me to be a stay-at-home mom? Well, that seems a little lame to me. How am I supposed to change the world doing that?”
Here’s the thing, there are all walks of life. Some of us are homebodies; some of us are adventurers. Some of us are loud and outspoken; some of us are quiet and introverted. Some of us have courage oozing out of our pores and we take great risks; some of us are more prudent and weigh things more heavily. Some of us are meant to marry and start a family; some of us are meant to live a religious life. Some of us are true leaders; some are good followers. Some think emotionally; some are more analytical. Some people are naturally talented at a lot of things; some are overly gifted in just one area.
We need all these types of personalities and characteristics to make our world full and complete. As baptized Christians, we make up the Body of Christ and that means we all have a different role to play. We can’t all be the heart or there’d be no body to support. All of us are of importance and we know that because God created us.
What is interesting is that Satan plays on two sides of the coin. He gets us to believe that either God is going to basically destroy our life by asking something totally insane OR His Will for our life isn’t going to be exciting enough to make it worth our while. In any case, maybe we need to look at doing things our own way, right?
I think what has helped me since that conversation with my mom is to recognize this game that gets waged in our souls. The older I get, the more I humbly see what my God-given talents are and I can see the path that God wants me to follow. It’s scary sometimes, but that’s okay. Christianity, no matter who you are, is not for the faint of heart–if it’s lived in the right way. Prayer cultivates your understanding of God’s Will. I’ve had many, many conversations, debates, arguments, and wrestlings with God in my prayer time. These conversations always lay bare my insecurities and fears. God always seems to enter those vulnerable parts of me with the gifts of hope and trust: Hope that it will all be okay, trust in His guidance.
There’s a line in a Mumford and Son’s song that says, “She says, ‘The Lord has a plan’ but admits it’s pretty hard to understand.” Sometimes, God’s Will for our lives is hard to understand and it takes a lot of time sitting in prayer to even begin to see the path He is calling us to.
You know, when I decided to be more courageous with my writings, that only came after long talks with God. I worried if I would be able to handle negative comments and harsh criticism. I feared backlash. However, I really felt it was God’s Will for me to speak more courageously and truthfully. When I finally relented and said, “Okay,” I noticed this incredible grace that surrounded me. This grace has allowed ugly comments to just slide off my back. They hurt, but they don’t damage. That comes from God.
Trust me, Catholic Pilgrims, I haven’t got it all figured out. This life is a pilgrimage and if we stay close to Christ, I think more and more is revealed to us about our purpose and God’s Will for our life as we continue on our way. I do know that God will not ask anything of you for which he hasn’t prepared you. When we start to surrender to God, there is a peace that comes with it and the things that, at first, terrified us will start to seem not so scary. Never forget that God’s grace is sufficient.
A few years after the conversation with my mom, we had the opportunity to go on pilgrimage together to the Holy Land. It was going to be the first time my mom or I ever really traveled abroad and it was a little scary. Nearing the time of the pilgrimage, certain things started happening to make us question whether or not we should go. But, in the end, we did. We followed God’s Will for our lives to travel together to the Holy Land and see the incredible sites connected with our Savior. It has been one of the greatest blessings of our lives.
