The Value of a Grandmother

I know I should probably give you all some thoughts about Easter or COVID-19, but my grandmother died this past week and she’s on my heart. I, also, know that writing a personal blog about someone you all don’t know will probably not be very popular. But, I’m a writer and I’m always compelled to write about what’s sitting front-and-certain in my mind. Maybe, I can write this well enough to help you think of your own grandmother with lots of love.

Many years ago, I was in New York City touring around with my husband’s family. We hit the city hard and saw many of the must-see sights. It was a blast of a trip and so many good memories were made. One night, though, I was looking out the tiny window of our tiny hotel room and, all of a sudden, I had this overwhelming desire to be in my grandparent’s town. It was almost a craving and I sat and wondered why in the world I was thinking of that tiny town in Southeast Kansas.

New York is high-paced and noisy. Lights are everywhere; taxis are zooming here and there. There is a pulse to the city but in the midst of it all, you can feel very small. You can almost feel unknown and unimportant. Colony, Kansas is everything that New York City is not: It’s tiny, quiet, simple, and barely populated. It is a place, though, that I have always felt known, loved, and important. A huge reason for that was my grandmother.

When I’d visit her in the summertime, I’d wake up in the morning to the smell of coffee and bacon. The cool morning breeze would be blowing through the open windows and the only sounds you’d hear were birds in the yard. When I’d make my way downstairs into the kitchen, there was my grandma all ready for the day. She’d serve you up anything you wanted. As a little girl, I’d tell her about all my friends at school. As a teenager, I’d tell her my dating woes and frustrations with life. As an adult, I talked to her about being a mother and wife. She listened to every word and always made me feel like I was heard.

Perhaps one of the things I like to brag on her about the most is her cooking abilities. The woman could cook. To top it all off, it was her delight to prepare a feast and gather her family around to enjoy it. Sure, she’d fuss about how she “just didn’t feel it was very good” but we’d all gluttonously reassure her in our food coma that it was “out of this world.” Her specialty was fried chicken. I don’t know if it was grandma love that made it so good or just a God-given talent but it wins the grand champion ribbon in my book. You may call me biased but she once owned a restaurant for 14 years and people would drive over many counties’ lines just to enjoy her food.

Spending time with her was so simple yet so fun. She loved to play cards and every single one of her grandkids was schooled in the ways of Hearts or Rummy. She loved late night snack time where she’d often treat us to ice cream or a bowl of sugary cereal that was forbidden by our parents. She’d always swear us to secrecy with a wink and a smile.

My grandmother lived to be 91 years old. She was equal parts tough-old gal and ever a lady. Growing up, she worked out on her parent’s farm which was part of what caught my grandfather’s eye. He was impressed by her strong nature and the fact that she was a beauty didn’t hurt either. She owned her own business for 14 years, coached my mom’s softball team for a few years, and she was known to speak her mind. God have mercy on the soul that dared sass her. I know exactly where I get my fiery spirit from. My kids like to tease me about how I get “riled up” sometimes. Well, I saw my grandmother get “riled up” a few times and it showed me that a woman does not have to sit back and be a doormat.

For all her toughness, though, she was equally a lady. Never one to go out without “putting her face” on, my grandma always looked put together. She took pride in keeping a clean, welcoming home. Often she would tell her granddaughters, “Now girls, when you get married someday, don’t let yourself go. A woman needs to look like a lady and your husband will appreciate it. It makes a man feel good to know his wife still likes to look good for him.” Unpopular words in our day, but truth none the less.

I couldn’t physically attend my grandma’s funeral because my family felt it was safer for me not to travel during this pandemic. It was pure torture not being there. My brother and two cousins couldn’t attend either and so we Zoomed in online for the small service, as only 10 people were allowed. During the service, my sister got up to say some words about our grandma. She said that a strong woman is the glue that holds a family together. How right she is. My grandmother was the glue of our family. She was a strong, loving matriarch. She gathered her family members for dinners around my grandparent’s dining room table. We laughed, told stories, and even cried a few times. We were all gathered because my grandmother lovingly prepared a delicious meal to share with us. Our stomachs were satisfied, but so were our souls with love and togetherness. I know that it must have made her heart feel complete to have us all there under her roof. She wanted to draw us all to her because of her love and that makes a person feel good. I know that when I look back over the years, the gatherings around that table will hold some of my dearest memories. Now that role falls to my mother and I know she will shine–she learned from the best.

The value of a grandmother is immeasurable. They carry with them wisdom yet they impart it with patience. They are a treasure trove of stories that give us insight into the past from a personal view. Sometimes we forget that our grandmas were once young women with their whole life standing ahead of them. They can teach us so much. Where once they had to discipline their own children, they feel free now to spoil and lavish their grandchildren. And I think, they are at a point in their lives where they realize that quality time is a precious, precious commodity and they soak up moments with loved ones sometimes better than anyone else.

I once heard a priest say that your loved ones live on in you when you take on their greatest attributes and make them a part of your life. I absolutely love this idea. I cherish both of my grandmothers and I have watched them with adoring eyes my whole life. I have learned things from both of them that I have instilled into my own life. They are the things about them that make them who they are. From my paternal grandmother, I have learned a deep appreciation for the arts–movies, books, poems, paintings. She has taught me to feel things deep in my soul and be moved by them. I get my romantic nature from her, too. In a word, she is always showing me how to feel deeply and I love that about her.

My maternal grandmother taught me the value of good food. I love to cook and it’s because I saw her put so much love into it. Making meals for my family that they enjoy is one way I show my love for them. She, also, taught me to be passionate–if you love something let it be known through your actions. Probably the most important thing she taught me is to make a house a home. I learned from her that a house doesn’t have to be a mansion or full of expensive things to be wonderful. If it’s warm, inviting, and comfortable, people will feel like they belong and they will feel wanted. And deep down isn’t that what we all want?

I will miss my grandmother terribly. There are a thousand things I could write about her however the rest will stay in my heart as precious memories to be shared with family in years to come. But, I will do my best to adopt her greatest attributes and let her live on through me in those ways. Be sure, Catholic Pilgrims, that you let your grandmother know what a blessing she is before she’s gone. It is my hope that mine know their inestimable value in my life and that I love them heart and soul.

I know now why I craved Colony, Kansas all those years ago when I was in New York. In the midst of a huge city where I felt insignificant, I desired a place where I always felt like I mattered. That place was in my grandparent’s home where I was always greeted with a big smile and a warm hug.