Last week, I received a comment on my blog that was totally unrelated to the topic. A man commented: “Sorry, jeans are not modest clothing for women. Viewing your photo is a near occasion of sin for men and some women. That picture does not look like a Catholic woman. To truly live out your faith, I suggest that you wear modest clothing.” He was referring to the picture at the end of the blog where I’m wearing jeans while on pilgrimage in the Holy Land.
Instantly, my heart started beating fast and, man, did I want to lay into the guy. I think I wrote like ten comebacks but each one I erased. I finally settled on referring him to a paragraph in my blog where I talked about how people get overly nit-picking about certain practices and try to impose practices on people as if they are dogma.
For the rest of the day, I fumed. The nerve of this guy. However, I know a pride fit when I see one. I’m prone to them. At some point in the day, my pendulum of emotions swung over to his side and I decided to gather up all my jeans, slacks, and shorts and burn them in my yard. I researched prairie women dresses and told myself it would be fine mowing the lawn and lifting weights in the gym in my pioneer skirt. I believe in modesty and I certainly didn’t want to come across as immodest. Right before I struck the match and threw it on my clothes, I stopped for a second and said, “Wait. Where is this guy getting this from? I need to research things before I light up my wardrobe.” So, I put the match away and dove into research.
Sure enough, there’s a major verse that is cited by proponents of long-skirt wearing.
A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for anyone who does such things is an abomination to the Lord, your God.” Deuteronomy 22:5
After reading this, I just sat with it for a while and prayed for guidance. The first thought that came into my head was, “During the time that this was written, everyone wore a form of robe or tunic. Pants weren’t really a thing.” I mean, in reality, the men in Moses’ time wore clothing sort of like a big, long dress. Men wore tunics and women wore something similar but they usually tied a “belt” around their waist and bloused out their top.
As I continued to think, I realized that many of the laws in Deuteronomy were written for the Jews. The Jews were a people set apart and God gave them laws that were just for them. They had to look different than the Gentiles. A lot of the laws for the Jews are not things we would know by the natural law. For instance, what would ever make us think that shrimp is not to be eaten? Or pigs? However, the Ten Commandments are things that we can know naturally even without God spelling it out for us. We know it’s wrong to kill innocent people, it’s wrong to cheat on your spouse, it’s wrong to lie and steal, etc. Because these are natural law issues, they continue to be things that bind all people.
Ceremonial and civil laws that are just for the Jews are not binding on Christians anymore. There’s a law in Leviticus that says, “Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” Now, I could be wrong, but I suspect there aren’t a whole lot of Christian men who follow this law. I mean, does my husband sin because he has to shave for the military? No, of course not. I have yet to see a Christian man with curly long hair strands like the Orthodox Jews had in the Holy Land when I was there. If you are going to adhere to the we-must-follow-this-garment law in Deuteronomy because it’s in the Bible, then you must, also, adhere to all the binding laws for the Jews. Or, you can realize that what was specifically meant for the Jewish people is not binding on Christians. If you are confused about which ones to correctly follow, the Catholic Church can help you out on that.
So, we have the one extreme. There are some in the Catholic Church that almost demand that women wear long skirts or dresses always and show very little skin. No pants can be worn. To wear pants is to cause occasions of sin for men. According to the commenter guy, I can’t even truly live out my faith unless I stop wearing jeans.
Then, there is the other side, that thinks women should be able to freely walk around in the nude or suggestive clothing and no man should notice. He should only see her as a shapeless human and nothing more. And while I agree that a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants and no one should feel justified in raping her because she supposedly “asked for it,” it is ridiculous to request men to completely shut their brains off.
Part of the reason that women like to dress “sexy” or “seductively” is because we like to draw men’s eyes. Ladies, please save your feigned outrage at me for saying this. The ability of a woman to turn a man’s head is one of those ways where we know we have power over men. Women like to be noticed and seen. We like to be desired. A great fear for many women is that one day our youthful beauty will leave us and we won’t be desirable to men anymore. In our fallen human nature, we seek to boost our self-esteem by getting men to look our way. Women work hard to be the prettiest woman in the room at dances and clubs and we all know what to wear to get noticed.
Even those times when we claim we don’t want any men to hit on us or ask us out, deep down, we still like knowing that we have the power to get their attention. Men are visual creatures and that is never going to change. Never. We are never going to get to a point where all men are going to have purely innocent thoughts about women. My husband once said, “Just having women around can be an occasion of sin because we have great imaginations. What must be taught to men is to be disciplined and respectful when those thoughts do arise.”
When dealing with modest dress, both sides have a responsibility to play. Women, we don’t get to frolic around in whatever we want and demand men have zero response. That’s unfair and unreasonable. Men do need to take control of their actions and realize that unwanted hollers and stares can be very unwelcome and, sometimes, feel threatening. It’s, also, not my job as a woman to make sure I check myself for every possible scenario when it comes to my clothes. While jeans may be an occasion of sin for some men, long skirts might be for another. Then what the heck do I wear? What if a woman’s pretty face is enough to make a man lust after her? Is she required to put a bag over her head? What if some man is attracted to earlobes? I mean, at this rate, I’d go out of the house with a gunny sack on, earmuffs, possibly a paper bag in case some guy is attracted to my face, and knee-high socks to keep my ankles and calves covered. Maybe, also, a scarf for the neck lovers. Okay, that was weird, but do you see the ridiculousness of all this?
Why we can’t be reasonable people with common sense when it comes to modesty. Modesty is definitely a virtue and I whole-heartedly believe in practicing it. My daughters and I go out of our way to find pretty, modest dance dresses. I don’t strut around in a bikini and neither do my girls. I have taught my daughters that we don’t cover our bodies because we are ashamed of them; we cover our intimate parts because we are precious and have dignity. Exposing ourselves to the world in an immodest manner portrays an image of neediness and insecurity. What we wear says a lot about us and it is dishonest to say that it doesn’t.
The Catholic Church has no official list of approved clothing. Long skirts are not in and of themselves holy articles of clothing. Jeans are not inherently sinful articles of clothing. A woman can seduce a man in a long skirt or jeans–it’s all about intent. The Church does teach that modesty “protects the intimate center of the person. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships. Modesty is decency.” Catechism 2521-2523
I agree with St. Paul when he says in 1 Timothy 2:11, “Similarly, women should adorn themselves with proper conduct with modesty and self-control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments or pearls, or expensive clothes.”
Wait? What? I agree that women can’t have braided hair, wear jewelry or expensive clothes? As always, we can’t just take a verse out of context and leave it at that. We have to understand the historical context and the underlying point being made. The ornate, time-consuming hairstyles and gaudy clothes and jewelry of the time were causing women to draw attention to themselves. It was a way for women to one-up each other. Paul is wanting women to think more about worshiping God than about all the frivolities of life, such as fashion statements. As women, we are allowed to braid our hair, wear nice clothes and jewelry, but we don’t need to be competing with one another to cause a spectacle. We don’t need to waste loads of time trying to perfect our image. We are daughters of God and we need to behave accordingly.
In my pride, I did not want to hear a word of what that man said. After calming down, I did start to look at some of my jeans and I decided that some of them are probably too tight. So, I’m going to work to get ones that are more modest.
The last thing I’ll say is this: If the Catholic Church does not demand women to wear only long skirts and never pants, then no one has the right to demand it of anybody and we certainly don’t get to judge if a person is a true Catholic based on if they wear jeans or not. If wearing only long skirts and long sleeves is a practice you desire to partake in, go for it. The Church does want us to live out the virtue of modesty in our lives. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out what that means. A good rule of thumb: Try to wear clothes that draw the eyes to your face and don’t wear things just to spite people.
Be prudent, not prudish, Catholic Pilgrims, and above all conduct yourself in a manner befitting a child of God.
