What I’ve Learned in 40 Years

Well, here I am standing at the threshold of 40-years old. Da, da, daaaaaa! When I was a kid, forty seemed super old. But, now that I am here, I feel this is when you just start warming up. I don’t feel “old.” I feel, actually, younger than I did when I was in my 20s. I feel more with it, more grounded in who I am, and more confident.

When I look back over my life, I am amazed at the journey. I started out as a Kansas kid where I secured my roots. I met a military man at my beloved alma mater–Kansas State–and we’ve lived in six different states. I attained my Bachelor’s while pregnant with my first daughter. Got my Master’s while pregnant with my second daughter. My miracle-baby son came along nine years after his sister. I’ve got 10 saints in Heaven who watch over their momma. I survived my husband’s deployment. I converted to Catholicism ten years ago and it ranks as one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve met incredible people and visited memorable places. I’ve loved, lost, and struggled through some very difficult times, but all these things have taught me so much.

So, since it’s my birthday week (my birthday is Thursday), I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the things I’ve learned in my 40 years. Here are 20 things that I think are noteworthy, in no particular order. Maybe you can relate or have your own things to add.

1.Your younger years are not your best years. We shouldn’t pine away for the past of our “glory days.” The best year can be every year of your life. It’s all about how you view it.

2. If you want a strong family, eat dinner together and pray together every night.

3. Never cease to try new things. Being a military spouse has introduced me to things I never thought I’d try or do. It has taught me the importance of branching out. I hear people say all the time that they are “too old” for something. Half the time I hear this from people younger than me. If you think you can’t, you won’t.

4. Exercise your body. When my dad turned 60, he hiked with my husband and brother up a mountain in Colorado. I love the fact that he can do those things. There are so many exciting activities to do in this life, but you need a healthy body. As my brother says, “As much as you can effect, work to take care of your body so that you can enjoy what this world has to offer.”

5. Tell people you love them–frequently. They may know you love them, but they need to hear it.

6. People have asked me what three things I would bring on a deserted island, not including family. I’d bring a Bible, matches, and….tweezers. Yes, tweezers. If I didn’t, by the time I was rescued, I’d look like Tom Hanks with his full beard in Castaway. Ladies, there are some things about growing older that are not so awesome. Whiskers on your neck and chin is one of them. Keep your tweezers handy and teach your husband to use them in case someday you aren’t able. I have instructed my husband that if I’m unable someday to tweeze my beard, he is to carry on the work of managing it for me. I’m just keeping it real, people. Vanity dies hard.

7. You will only have a small handful of true-blue friends in this life. The goal in life when it comes to friends is not to collect the most; it’s to find those that would walk through fire with you and love you till the end.

8. Hand-written letters are invaluable. Everyone loves getting mail that isn’t a bill. My grandmother and great-aunt instilled this practice into me and I know why. My great-aunt is no longer with me, but I still have her hand-written letters. Seeing her handwriting helps me feel a little more connected to her.

9. Each new stage of your kids’ lives brings new worries, but, also, new joys. I love having teenagers in my house. They are witty, funny, and engaging. I, also love having a four-year-old. He keeps me on my toes. I know for certain that there will never come a point whe you won’t worry about your kids. That’s where praying for them comes in.

10. For the most part, TV is a waste of time. Sure, I watch the occasional movie and I’m a college football fan, so I do watch some TV. We’ve been pretty much TV-less for seven years now and I’m grateful. I know I will never get to the end of my life and regret not having watched more TV. There are so many more interesting things to do: Reading, cooking, writing, playing with your kids, exercising, and other hobbies.

11. Your faith must be lived every single day. It’s not just for Sundays. When you live your faith every single day you are better equipped to handle storms and trials. There was a time in my life when I was Christian only in name, which basically meant nothing.

12. No matter what line you pick, it will always go the slowest. If you pick the line at the supermarket with the least amount of people, beware. You’ll be there forever because the customer in front of you will be paying with a check. If you are at the bank and pick the shortest line, beware. The person in front of you will be attempting to take out a home loan at the drive-thru. If you queue up in the shortest line at a fast-food restaurant or coffee shop, beware. The person in front of you will be ordering for all the staff at the local hospital.

13. Having a good relationship with your siblings is so important. You may move away from each other and not see each other all the time, but stay connected. Be truly happy when they succeed and encourage them always. You don’t have to think exactly the same on everything in order to have a good relationship.

14. Most of what you learn well is what you teach yourself.

15. Refusing to forgive people will always leave a bitter residue on your life. I know this first hand that hanging on to unforgiveness never made a dang thing better.

16. Your spouse will never be perfect, but then again, neither will you. You didn’t marry your spouse because you thought they were perfect, you married them because you thought you could love them even with imperfections. I think most spouses forget this and over time demand perfection from their spouses in order to receive love.

17. Talking with people older than you is always interesting. They have so much to share and tell. Our culture devalues the elderly, but you will never have a dull conversation with them if you just start asking questions and listen.

18. The DVM is a glimpse of hell.

19. There will never be a point in your life where you are too old for your parents. The way you need them changes, but you will need them nonetheless.

20. You can live your life without God, but you will spend all your days trying to fill a hole that only He can fill. I’ve met all kinds of people and the people that shine with the most light and joy are those that live their Christian faith with abandon.