In our world, especially our culture, we are bombarded with negativity surrounding marriage. We hear over-and-over of divorce, 5-minute marriages, and even disdain for the sacrament of marriage. I want us to celebrate marriage and show couples that are bringing to life what marriage truly is–a beautiful, messy, difficult, totally-worth-it blessing. I’m going to feature a Christian married couple a month and hopefully we can learn from them. Our first married couple is one of my favorite couples in the whole world. I first met them in 2006 when we were stationed together at Tyndall AFB. Their family is like family to mine and we have been privileged to witness their growth as a strong Christian couple. I have learned so much from them and I love them dearly. Shawn is a Lt. Colonel serving in the United State Air Force and Dawn holds down the fort while homeschooling two of their children.
1. How long have you been married and how many children do you have?
We’ve been married for 16 years and have five children.
2. Where did you meet and what did you do for your first date?
We met at the Enlisted Club at Grand Forks AFB.
3. What initially attracted you to the other?
Dawn: Of course, his looks, but then his genuineness.
Shawn: Dawn has beautiful, bright blue eyes. Behind those eyes is a fearless attitude to live life. I think it was that, that initially attracted me to her.
4. What has been the most surprising thing about marriage?
Dawn: How much your love can help you through good and bad situations.
Shawn: It’s not experienced to its fullest without self-sacrifice. I think for a large part of our marriage, I was guilty of seeing marriage as a mutual giving and receiving–a measuring, per se, of what I get out of it. Now I try to focus on how to give, although I fail frequently. The joy of this giving has opened my eyes to how much room I have for improvement.
5. What do each of you bring to your marriage?
Dawn: I think Shawn brings the calm and level-headedness to our marriage.
Shawn: I bring constancy, levelness, and foundation. Dawn brings courage, fearlessness, and wonder.
6. What is one of the hardest things about marriage in your opinion?
Dawn: Just remembering that our ultimate goal is to help our spouse get to heaven; that we are there for them and not ourselves.
Shawn: Giving up my pride, and trying to approach every experience in my marriage with patience and humility. I think a closer version of myself gets “exposed” to my family both good and bad. The bad is usually in the form of frustration and/or impatience and/or being overly-critical.
7. If you could go back in time and give advice to your newlywed selves what would you say?
Dawn: Always listen to each other, keep calm, and bring God into your lives as soon as possible.
Shawn: I would ask them, “How have you brought Christ into your relationship and what are you actively doing together to make him first in your relationship?” Know yourself through your relationship with Christ and know your marriage through your relationship with Christ!
8. How do you incorporate God into your marriage?
Dawn: We go to Mass as a family every Sunday, we do nightly prayers with our children, and then just us after the kids are in bed. We constantly rely on God for all we do and decisions we make.
Shawn: Through NFP (Natural Family Planning). Through praying together as a family. Through prayer together, just Dawn and me. Through watching movies together (i.e. Beloved from Augustine Institute). Through St. Pope John Paul II works relating to marriage (“Theology of the Body”). Through forgiveness during arguments. Through back massages, because I know Dawn likes them. Through date nights, because I know Dawn loves quality time.
9. What do you love most about marriage?
Dawn: Knowing that I always have someone on my side praying for me.
Shawn: Until about three years ago, fear played a much bigger role in my marriage, from my perspective. It wasn’t until then when I had an amazing experience from a general confession that I was able to take a leap in forming my marriage with God fully engaged. I had never looked so forward to the rest of my life with Dawn until I let God fully into my marriage. I love being able to share my most intimate thoughts, feelings, experiences with Dawn without fear.
10. What is a common misconception about marriage?
Dawn: That after you get married everything is complete bliss.
Shawn: That you are happy all the time. That it stays the same as the dating romance of only doting on each other without interruptions from children. That there aren’t times when you may want to give up and that you will have to continue on and say “yes” for the true joy that awaits. Continually saying “yes” during difficult times is life changing in ways you could never imagine and can only be realized by looking back and reflecting. It is amazing how God reveals you to yourself through the continual “yes” of marriage.
