The Humble Beginnings of a Married Life

I was married at twenty-two which for many, in this day and age, seems wildly young. Not only did I marry young, but when my husband and I married, we were already parents. It basically went something like this: I graduated from college, took off my cap and gown, got into a hospital gown to give birth, and then turned around and slipped into a beautiful wedding gown–gown, to gown, to gown. Obviously, I’m not here to condone getting pregnant out of wedlock, but such was the reality of my life. 

Anyway, I was married very young and while I had graduated, my husband still had one more year to go until he graduated and was commissioned in the Air Force. As you can imagine, we had little money. We seriously lived off Dustin’s student loan and the $400 a month that ROTC gave us. We lived off of very little and, yet, not for one second were we unhappy.

I love our beginning. There we were just young newlyweds trying to navigate our way. Everything in our house was mismatched. We had particle board everything–and it all was leaning and on the verge of collapse. We had no curtains, no pictures on the wall. Every single thing we owned was a hand-me-down. There was no nursery to decorate because we didn’t have the money. Not to mention, our daughter’s room was also her dad’s “office.” Thankfully, family members pitched in and we were gifted with everything we needed for our daughter. To say the least, they were humble beginnings, but they were good beginnings.

We didn’t have the money to spend on elaborate entertainment back then. Our entertainment consisted of long, evening walks, visits to parks, and going to the free zoo in town. We rarely had a date. We rarely ate out for dinner. I laugh now when I think back to our grocery bill at the time. It was somewhere along the lines of maybe $40.00. We ate well, but not extravagantly; our meals were very simple. Our Friday and Saturday nights consisted of taking our daughter on a walk and then coming home to watch TV. One day, it was blazing hot outside and we couldn’t afford admission into the city pool. The apartment complex across the street had a pool, so we snuck across and pretended that we were residents. We must have played it off well because nobody said anything.

I was very content at that time in my life. Granted, I did want to improve our situation but I was quite happy even with fewer things. During all that time, God provided and we were never want for any necessity. 

Bishop Sheen once wrote:

“Contentment is based on the idea that ‘our sufficiency is not from ourselves but from God.’ The soul does not desire or lack more than what God has supplied him.” 

At the dawn of our marriage, we were stripped of most things and we, as a couple, had to fight to improve our situation. We had to make goals, we had to learn how to be frugal, we had to plan, budget, save, and sacrifice. We are better for it and we did it together. We worked as a team to build a life. Starting out this way, I think, sets the stage for a greater appreciation when you do get to have nicer things. You have the contrasting lifestyles. You’ve gone without and you know what that feels like.

“Contentment is not inconsistent with our endeavor to have our condition improved. We do everything we can, as if all depended on us, but we trust in God as if everything depended on Him.”

When you do work your way to something better, you really appreciate it. We love to reminisce about our early years together because they are so different from where we are now. We can see the growth in our relationship. We can see the progress we have made and I think that it has made us closer and stronger.

I don’t pretend that we were dirt poor. I know that there are others with much less. I am grateful that every night we had food in our bellies, a roof over our head, and our needs were met. We didn’t have much of what we wanted, but we had everything we needed. What I think is important is that at nearly every stage of our marriage we have been happy. (Moving to Las Vegas threw us for a loop as a family, but that’s another story.) It’s never been about the stuff: The car, the big house, the brand name this-or-that, the fancy vacations. It’s always been about us–our family.

I often think back on those early years of our marriage and smile. I smile because we thought a Dairy Queen treat was a big deal. I smile because we had a 1985 powder blue Buick Century that was anything but cool. I smile because our idea of a good time was going to a park with a camera and taking goofy pictures of each other. I smile because I had to work three nights a week as a waitress at a smokey steakhouse. Some nights, Dustin and Rhianna would come down to see me and I loved the visits. I smile because I remember how Rhianna and I would meet her dad on campus to have lunch with him. We were the only people with a kid and a stroller. But, mostly I smile, because it was a young us, trying to find our way. We didn’t have all the answers, but we loved each other enough to trust that we could build a good life together.

I love our humble beginnings. It’s our story. It’s a good story. I love our now and all the in-between, because, no matter poor or well-off, this family growing in faith together is all the matters.

To listen to this week’s podcast where Bishop Sheen talks about contentment, click here.