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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
Many years ago now, when I was teaching government to my oldest, our curriculum had us read St. Thomas Aquinas’ thoughts on different types of government. To my surprise, he said kingship was the best. “From this it is clearly shown that the idea of king implies that he be one man who is chief and that he be a shepherd, seeking the common good of the multitude and not his own.” Now, before I get started, St. Thomas has a lot to say on this and if you’ve never read his thoughts on government, pause and go read it before you attack me. It’s important you understand what he says. Carrying on…. As an American, when I first read this, I scoffed a bit. In fact, I got a bit defensive, because *our* form of government is, in my mind, the absolute best. We fought against a king, for goodness sake. But, as I thought about it (and I’m not advocating for a kingship here in America), I realized that St. Thomas had to be right. He doesn’t say that other forms of government are all the worst, just that kingship is the best, and, of course, because Christ is King. He’s not King of a government, but He is King of the universe, of everything. He is the King par excellence, because He rules with perfect justice and perfect mercy. He is attentive to the welfare of our souls and desires our ultimate goodness. Because Christ is King, no type of rule could be better. No matter how we look at it and no matter what government system we fall under, Christ remains our King. He reigns supreme in the life of a Christian, or a least He should. This is one of my favorite celebrations, Catholic Pilgrims, because I love celebrating the King of my life, always and forever. Have a blessed Sunday. *St. Dominic’s in San Francisco
Continue ReadingToday, the Church celebrates The Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I was thinking this morning about Mary and how she is the perfect feminine role model. As Alice Von Hildebrand put it, “She alone deserves to be the role model of women. She is the Queen of Angels. She is virgin, spouse, mother, and widow.” Who does our culture put up as role models for women? Well, they have to be famous, hot, and wealthy. Of all the ones I could think of, nearly all of them are focused solely on career. They are pro-ab0rtion. Marriage is typically put in the back burner, but they have plenty of partners. Mary, though, is different. She was and is humble. She gave of herself to others. She was and is beautiful because of the light of God that shone within her. She was poor. She accepted an unplanned pregnancy trusting that God would guide her through this unusual, yet miraculous situation. Two thousand years later, this humble, poor, obedient, virtuous woman is still the most beloved of all women. That is because you can’t trump a life lived for God with a life lived for self. The Divine Life that glows within Mary will never be snuffed out, but the temporary sparkle of a life lived for self will fade into nothingness as the years continue to roll on by. May we always look to Mary, most beautiful Mother of Our Lord, for the best example of “dazzling, radiant femininity.” Have a blessed day, Catholic Pilgrims. Mary, Our Mother, pray for us!
Continue ReadingThis is Laodicea, the last church community written to in the Book of Revelation. It is perhaps my favorite. Look at how the clouds made the perfect backdrop for a reflective mood. Part of the Silk Road runs through this ancient town. In its day it would have been teeming with people, horses, and carts. Alongside the main road through town there are stone tables where backgammon was played. You can just imagine two old men playing as they grumbled about politics or aches in their bodies. Now, it’s just an ancient ghost town. "To the angel of the Church in Laodicea, write this: ‘I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich and affluent and have no need of anything, and yet do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I advise you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich, and white garments to put on so that your shameful nakedness may not be exposed, and buy ointment to smear on your eyes so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and chastise. Be earnest, therefore, and repent.’” To interesting things to point out: 1. Laodicea was known for optometry. They actually had eye doctors there and that’s why the references to blindness and eye ointment. 2. In the mountains in the picture, there is a place called Pamukkale. It has hot springs and the minerals in the water make it look like there are permanent fluffy clouds up there. Pamukkale means “cotton castle.” As that hot water flows down the mountain, it becomes lukewarm. Hence the reference to being lukewarm. It’s something the people would understand. It is easy to slip into a lukewarm faith, Catholic Pilgrims. Especially with all the comfort and ease many of us experience on a day-to-day basis. A lukewarm faith is no faith at all, So… Live the Faith boldly and travel well.
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