.png)
In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
When my one friend became an atheist, she brought the question of evil to me to try to persuade me away from God. And what she brought was a conversation out of the book "The Brothers Karamazov." It was a short video clip of a conversation between the middle brother, Ivan, and his younger brother, Alyosha. It all centered on the problem of evil. Ivan wasn't necessarily an atheist, he just rejected God's invitation to relationship because of the problem of evil. I think my friend forgot that this was exactly why I turned my back on God at 17. God had allowed evil to happen to me and I rejected a relationship with HIm. She thought this was a slam-dunk argument against God and while it is the strongest one that non-believers have, I asked her, "Okay, so you think that the problem of evil proves that there is no God. Okay, now what? Now that you've removed God you still have the problem of evil. I genuinely want to know, now what?" I never really got an answer. When she showed me that video, I hadn't read the book yet. I'm reading it now for Lent with Hallow, so I understand a lot more of what is going on. Today, for Pray40, Sister Miriam says, "God is not asking you and I to approve of suffering. He is not asking us to make peace with evil. God is not calling us to understand everything. He is not calling us to grasp an intellectual explanation." "And this is where Ivan stumbles. It is his job, he thinks, to decide what is right and what it wrong. And in his pride, he sets himself up ahead of God." This is what I did. I thought it was my job to fix everything and everyone, including myself. I simply could not do that and neither can you. No human can. And because I couldn't enact justice as I saw fit, I became bitter and resentful. Just like Ivan. Without God, there can be no redemption, no healing after evil has been inflicted, no true peace. It doesn't always make sense and I certainly don't have the whole picture and that's because I'm not God. Surrendering to God and trusting in Him is the only way, Catholic Pilgrims. The other way brings nothing but more misery. Have a blessed Monday.
Continue ReadingA couple of days ago late in the afternoon, I made a really simple quick video to put up on a couple of my social media pages. It was a video of my family's "Indiana Jones" day in Turkey. We had a friend there, a fellow Catholic, that took us around to see old lost churches. You can see my son standing in some of the ruins here in this picture. Anyway, the coolest one he took us to was a hidden church IN THE GROUND out in a field. The steps down into it were covered in weeds and we had to clear all that out to be able to walk down the steps. That day was one of my favorite days ever. So, I made this quick video, posted it, and went about my day. When I woke up the next morning, I found that thousands and thousands of people on Instagram had interacted with it. Usually on Instagram, my videos are all duds, so I was shocked. But, ohhhhhhh, let me tell you, the interactions were, for the most part, awful. Basically, the Greeks, Turks, and Armenians went to war in the video's comments. I mean, just saying the most vile things. Protestants came after me and called me a pagan and a cult member. Orthodox people came after me. One man called me a liar and told me that it was nothing but a cistern. When I explained the reality to him, he demanded coordinates so that he could go see it. Um....no. Another guy asked me why I don't hate Turkey, the country. There were a few sane people who could just enjoy the coolness of the video and leave it at that, but the wide majority of people were just insanely awful. It just broke my heart to see such retched ugliness all from a video that was from one of my most memorable days. But, it was getting me lots of followers, which I never get on Instagram, so for half a second, I was like, "Hey, this is good!" Quickly, though, that thought left my head. I knew I had to shut the comments and the ability to share off, so that such vileness wasn't found on my page. Hatred is a bitter, bitter poison, Catholic Pilgrims. Live in the light and love of Christ. PS. I am well versed on why the countries over there don't like each other. I had to learn all about it when I was there. I don't want to hear about here, so please don't start another word war on this page.
Continue ReadingAs I was preparing to teach OCIA this past Sunday, I had a list of things I wanted to go over. It had dawned on me a few weeks ago that most people outside the Catholic Church believe that everything we do as Catholics is taught dogmatically. This leads to a ton of grave errors in how people think about Catholicism. So, I decided to talk to the class about four D's: Dogma, Doctrine, Disciplines, and Devotions. Dogmas are a very narrow subset of doctrine. They are the beliefs that are divinely revealed and cannot be changed. Everything stated in the Apostles' Creed is a dogma and to be a Christian, you need to believe in those things. They aren't optional. Doctrine is all the Church's teachings on faith and morals. Doctrines do not change, but our understanding of the teachings can grow and become more detailed. Belief in The Blessed Trinity is a Dogma. The Church's teaching on the Blessed Trinity is doctrine. The doctrine--teaching--doesn't change, meaning, it doesn't flip-flop. But over time, the Church's understanding of it has grown and become more full. Discipline is defined as an "instruction, system of teaching or of law, given under the authority of the Church [which] can be changed with the approval of proper authority, as opposed to doctrine, which is unchangeable” (334). Priests not marrying is a discipline, not a dogma. Devotions are those practices allowed by the Church that are more personal to the individual. Praying the Rosary is a devotion. Wearing a veil at Mass is a devotion. Praying evening Vespers is a devotion. As long as the Church has approved a devotion or allows for it, it is okay to practice. Devotions are not dogmatic and people are free to practice them or not. I've had people say to me, "The Catholic Church teaches that to be saved you have to pray the Rosary." No, that is not true. "To be saved you must pray the Rosary" is not a teaching of the Catholic Church. It is a devotion--a very strongly encouraged devotion and a fruitful one at that, but there is no dogmatic belief that praying the Rosary is how you are saved. I hope this is helpful and clear, Catholic Pilgrims. I found it helpful for myself to get a better understanding of it, so I can speak intelligently about our beautiful Catholic Faith. Have a blessed Wednesday.
Continue Reading.png)
.png)
.png)