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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
Honor is one of the four false idols that Thomas Aquinas writes about in the Summa. Honor isn't bad in and of itself. It is good to give honor to people that deserve it. But, when we want it to prop up our ego, then it becomes a dangerous thing. Many years ago, when I was substitute teaching, I asked the high schoolers that I was teaching what they wanted to be someday. Nearly all of them said, "Famous." Some wanted to be famous athletes, some actors, and some didn't know what they wanted to be famous for, all they knew is that they wanted to be famous. What is it about honor and fame? Well, it makes us feel like we've achieved something. We just might make it in the history books and our name will live on forever. A great fear for many of us is that we will leave this world and be forgotten in an instant. What will it all have meant if that is the case? If we can be famous and honored, we think we have actually achieved something worthwhile. Up until today, Jesus hasn't wanted too much notoriety. He's performed miracles and told people not to tell. Some miracles He's performed for just a small crowd. He's carefully drawing attention to Himself, but not too much. Then, with the raising of Lazarus, the cat is out of the bag. Word is going to spread and spread fast and this is a miracle where Jesus doesn't say "keep it on the down low." Because now is His time. This leads to the honor and praise He receives on Palm Sunday. Jesus doesn't need it, but He allows it so that prophecies can be fulfilled. Eventually, in time, people will connect the dots and realize just Who He is exactly. Jesus doesn't need the honor, but He deserves it more than anyone. Here on Palm Sunday, the crowd rightly gives praise and honor to the King of Kings. They might not fully realize the magnitude of Who He is, but they still recognize that He is worthy of honor. May we always seek to do good so that God might be honored and praised through our actions, not in order to satisfy our own selfish wants, Catholic Pilgrims. It is He who should receive all honor and glory. Have a blessed Palm Sunday.
Continue ReadingI find it hard to believe that Lent is nearly over. This year it has flown by for me. Here we are almost at April and it feels like we just celebrated Christmas a few weeks back. Things that I learned over this Lent. 1. Our base priest had to leave for the entire Lenten season for training and so we haven't had Daily Mass on base. I have felt that loss intensely and I'm very much looking forward to our priest being back. What an unfortunate time for Daily Mass to be taken away. I live in the middle of nowhere on a base in the desert and this made it feel even more stripped down and desert-y. But, it has made my soul yearn even more for Christ. 2. I learned something about myself with regards to exercise. I've been trying to exercise every day for Lent. Before Covid, I had been working out for years in the gym. That's where I like to be. But, gyms were shut down and I lost my habit which was a bit jarring. Then, we moved to Turkey and exercise, other than walking, is not really a part of their culture, so I still struggled to get my habit back. Once we moved back to the States, my son was at the age where he was too old for child care at any gym, but too young to be out in the gym, so that didn't work. I've been trying ever since to get that habit back, but I always just feel frustrated. Finally, I realized that I've been trying to go back to how I worked out in my early 20s. My expectation has been that I have to go back to intense workouts, but I don't have that desire. So, I changed my expectations for a late 40s woman and that has made a huge difference. All this to say, sometimes to make things work--praying, working out, reading, etc., we need to reevaluate and change things up if our stage of life calls for it. 3. Fasting is the craziest thing: I can avoid certain foods if I don't think about them, but the second I start avoiding it for fasting purposes, well, then it's all I want. Lol. We are headed into my favorite week of the year--Holy Week. I pray you stay strong with your Lenten observances. Have a blessed Friday, Catholic Pilgrims. *Picture was taken by my sister, Beth, outside the Cathedral in Santa Fe.
Continue ReadingWhen I was in my late teens, all the way into my early 30s, I loved to verbally fight. I loved the adrenaline rush, the confrontation, the back and forth, the chance to land a verbal blow, and, most of all, I loved the feeling of being victorious, no matter the cost. I honestly didn't know how to engage in healthy debate. Debate is good. It flushes out ideas, weighs insights, and, if it's authentic, its goal should be to find the truth. I didn't understand any of this. All I wanted was an opponent to embarrass and figuratively destroy. I believed the winner would be the loudest, the most crass, the most aggressive, and the most belittling. Thank God, for the grace to not desire that way anymore. That intense, ugly energy has been spent and I think it's because I finally saw myself in other people online. For years now, I've watched loads of people act in the same way I used to act. It now causes me to cringe. I still love a good debate, I'm still a bit sarcastic, I still feel compelled to correct wrong beliefs. Those things haven't gone away. Last Thursday when I was visiting the Cathedral in Santa Fe, I looked up over the door into the church and saw what you see in this picture. The church was founded by Franciscans and what you see are the words that Jesus said to St. Francis of Assisi--"Rebuild my Church." Initially, St. Francis took that very literally and started rebuilding a dilapidated church, but God meant it somewhat differently, a spiritual rebuilding. We will rebuild, or rather reform, nothing with overly aggressive, crass, and ugly language. All you will do is break people's spirits and push them away. "You might win the argument but lose the soul." Venerable Fulton Sheen If we are joyless, rigid, and angry, Catholic Pilgrims, when we speak of the Catholic Church, who on earth do we think we are going to draw in? None, if any. So, be sure to live the faith boldly and travel well this Tuesday.
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