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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
I was reading through a very old book that I was recently gifted that has just one or two sentences on a page. I read: "Nineteenth century man became all the more irrevocably the prisoner of his own life-sorrows through the beautiful false names with which he labeled them." I sat with this a very long time. Later that night, I asked my husband what he thought and could he think of any life-sorrows that have been given "beautiful names" in order to make them seem good. It became a bit of a thought experiment for us. I could think of one right off the top of my head: Selfishness has become self-care. Now, this isn't to say that taking care of yourself is wrong. We should take care of ourselves because our bodies are good and neglecting them can cause us to not be able to do God's will. However, our culture has taken vices that cause sorrow, dressed them up in a new name that is hard to argue with, and then encouraged people to engage in them. What happens then? You become a prisoner. My husband said, "Anytime you take something bad and try to make it sound virtuous, it always is a move towards self-centeredness. The focus becomes entirely on you and ultimately that makes us miserable. That's why you become a prisoner. Together, we thought of a few more things that have been dressed up with "beautiful names." Abortion--health care. Abortion already is a euphemism, but it is now being referred to as the double euphemism of "health care." Laziness--"protection from burnout" "work-life balance" Narcissism--self-love Isolation--"protecting my peace" Lies--"your truth, my truth" On the surface, all these phrases or "beautiful names" seem good. Initially, it's hard to argue with them. But, when you scratch just beneath the surface you'll see that they all come back to the self. There is something else that my husband and I discovered while thinking through the original quote. I'll talk about that tomorrow. Until then, live the faith boldly and travel well, Catholic Pilgrims.
Continue ReadingYesterday, my husband and I finished our 33-day reading of this book and prayed the consecration prayer at the end together. If you would have told me when Dustin and I were dating that one day we would consecrate ourselves to Jesus in the Eucharist in a small Blessed Sacrament Room on base, I would have looked at you with utter confusion. For one, I wasn't Catholic. For two, I had no idea what the Eucharist was so why would I be consecrating myself to it? For three, I didn't see the importance of faith in the married life at that time. I thought our romantic love for each other would be enough. I would have thought you were saying I'd turn into some hokey-pokey weirdo. However, God's ways are not our ways. Now, I have been Catholic for 13 years. Now, I know that the Eucharist is everything and that I will never exhaust my ability to be in awe and wonder at the miracle of Christ in the Eucharist. Now, I have seen Dustin and I realize that a marriage needs God at the center. The Eucharist is the food for our married life together. At the beginning of this book, Matthew Kelly says, "What is the difference between the people who have left the Catholic Church over the past thirty years and those who have stayed?" The answer: "Those who believe don't leave." Those who believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist don't leave. And I'd add, those outside the Church who come to believe, can't become Catholic quick enough. That was me. The second the Eucharist clicked in my brain, I needed to be Catholic that instant. It was a desire like I've never known. To loosely quote Flannery, O'Conner: To Hell with all this symbolic nonsense. No army of demons could keep me away from becoming Catholic, because it is in the fullness of the Catholic Church that I can receive the Eucharist and there is nothing more important that Jesus truly present on our altars and offered to us in Holy Communion. Live the faith boldly and travel well this Monday, Catholic Pilgrims.
Continue ReadingMany of you have reached out to check on me and my family to see if we are out of danger from the terrible fires in LA. Thankfully, we are not in danger, but I do appreciate the concern for us. Yesterday, you could smell the fire in the air, so it does feel a bit too close for comfort. Already here at the start of 2025, we’ve had lots of chaos and disasters. We’d like to believe that a new year would start off fresh with no mistakes in it, but that’s just wishful thinking and, sadly, not how a fallen world works. Please pray for rain. Please pray for those displaced who have lost all their worldly goods and have to find some way to start all over. Please pray for firefighters who have so little to work with. I’m sure they feel helpless. Please pray that other cities continue to send help. I know Las Vegas has sent firefighters to LA, which is good. I don’t want this to become a political fight here. I’d ask that you please refrain from making any political statement in the comments and just focus instead on the suffering and the helpers. We need rain here very badly and there’s not an ounce in sight. To my fellow Catholics P
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