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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
Yesterday, I saw perhaps one of the most moving interviews. Matt Fradd was interviewing Peter Kreeft, who just recently lost his wife of 63 years. Matt Fradd asked him, "Do you have any advice for those that are newly married or about to be?" Dr. Kreeft said, "Do you think when you are very old and your wife is very old and ugly and wrinkled and fat and not very bright, or even nasty, you will still find her beautiful? If so, marry her." He continued, "The last view I had of my wife in the nursing home, about an hour after she died, I fell in love with her again. Here was a wasted, emaciated, wrinkled suffering body." And then after a pause and through tears he said, "It's as beautiful as a crucifix." "Because that body ain't gonna last, but the soul is. So if you don't love her soul, and just love her body, don't get married." Matt Fradd was speechless and choked up. I was crying watching Peter Kreeft talk about his bride. It was a very intense moment watching a husband fully describe what real love is. Dustin and I married at 22-years old. When you look at our wedding photos we look like fresh-faced babies. Now, almost a quarter of a century later, I see the effects of the aging process in both of us: The wrinkles, the grays, the pains that come more easily, less hair, eyes getting worse. There's nothing that can be done. Time will have its way. Sure, you can eat well, exercise, drink enough water, limit sun exposure, but, in the end, we all get old. And, oh, how I’ve fretted over this. Would Dustin love me when I'm not his beautiful Amy anymore? But, hearing Peter Kreeft talk about his wife helped me to realize that it will all be okay. Dustin loves my soul. He always has. I love his. I am the mother of his children. He is the keeper of our memories. I married him because I wanted to grow old with him, not young with him. That inevitably means our bodies will stop being youthful, but our love and our souls will be more beautiful then when we met. And that's why, after all this time, Dustin is more handsome to me than on our wedding day and I fall in love with him over and over again. Love your spouse well, Catholic Pilgrims.
Continue ReadingYesterday was fun. Whew! Since I got accused yesterday of only ever talking about HELL AND DAMNATION on here, I thought I'd show me tip-toeing through the...uh...Black-eyed Susans to make sure you all can see that I'm a nice person. 😉 Okay, enough of me being snarky. 😎 It's always interesting to me the reactions I get whenever I write about something mildly convicting. Some people only want me to write about how "Jesus loves us this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Never mind that Jesus doesn't always talk about warm, fuzzy things. Like in our Gospel reading from yesterday where Jesus was pretty harsh to the people of some cities in the north Galilee region. "Woe to you!" Others see what I have written and do the whole, "Oh, yeah, well what about this!?" Okay, but I want to talk about what I wrote about. A few who have never said a word before and just happen to show up one day proceed to sling all kinds of accusations at me. They want me to only talk about love, but they feel the need to be ugly to me. Like, hey, maybe stick around and see what else I've written over the many years. It is so important, Catholic Pilgrims, so important that we understand that we can't just talk about good-feeling things all the time when it comes to our faith life. Sin is real, evil is real, eternal punishment is real, and justice is real. God does love us more than we can possibly comprehend and He has called us to live a holy life and that simply can't be done if we ignore those things that endanger our souls. The good news is that God pours out grace and mercy to us all the time, we just have to cooperate with it. He provides us with Sacraments that help cleanse us and restore our souls to health--Confession and the Eucharist. We just have to frequent them with a humble, contrite, obedient heart. We all can have hope that God will give us everything we need to join Him in Heaven, Catholic Pilgrims. This is your one nice post of the year, tomorrow I'm back to FIRE AND BRIMSTONE!!!! Just kidding. Have a good day and live the faith boldly and travel well.
Continue ReadingOne of the greatest dangers for the soul is the belief that God would never send anyone to Hell. This is to ignore the many warnings in the Bible of Hell. And, I'm not sure what would be the point of Jesus coming and stressing over and over again the need for repentance if Hell wasn't real. I mean, what would be the point? What would be the point in an active belief in God at all? Usually, people who believe this way point to God being compassionate and, therefore, that means, He will just let us all into Heaven. If that is true, then why did Jesus have to come, die as the sacrificial lamb, resurrect, and open the gates of Heaven? Why close the gates in the first place? If you are just gonna let everyone in, what is the point of any of this? The danger is in this thinking is monumental to a degree I can't stress enough. God is perfect mercy AND perfect justice. I get why people would want to think this way. It essentially means that you can live however you want and God will still let you in. You can just be a "good" person because that's what civilized people do and you can ignore the parts of Christ's teaching and His Church that put you at odds with secular culture, thereby leaving you free to roam with little-to-no friction. This way of thinking will always leave you standing outside the edge of Sainthood and fully realizing who God made you to be. Saints will actual seem stuffy, and rigid, and overboard to you and, instead, you'll be more in awe of modernists who progress with the times. Hell is a place that we choose and God respects our wishes. If we have lived a life where we have chosen to ignore God and His teachings, if we choose mortal sin over repentance, we have told God that we don't really want Him. The Church and Jesus teach about the last four things: Death, Judgement, Heaven, and Hell. If Heaven is the only option because God is just so nice, then there would be no point in all the judgement talk in the Bible. For love of God, may we always strive to show Him that we want to be with Him and not just presume we can live however and He'll just be nice to us in the end. Live the faith boldly and travel well, Catholic Pilgrims.
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