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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
Because I live on an Air Force base, weekday evening Masses tend to have a lot of civilians present who don't normally come to Sunday Mass because they live off base. The evening Ash Wednesday Mass is always full of unfamiliar faces of people getting off work and coming over to Mass before going home. Sometimes people don't quite get off work in time and so they are a little late. Yesterday, after Mass, a few people had gotten there late and missed getting ashes. Standing in the back, I heard them shyly ask Father if they could get some and he smiled and said, "Oh, don't worry, it's not required." I think he thought they believed they had done something wrong. They smiled and replied back, "Would it still be okay to get some?" "Of course, come with me." There is something about Ash Wednesday that speaks to the human heart almost more than any other holy day. I think the answer to why is found in something I read yesterday. "To take the ashes is to confess kinship with this world of dust, to declare our readiness to abdicate pretensions to omnipotence. Standing before God in this way, I profess that I am not God. I admit the chasm that separates me from Him. I accept the uncomfortable otherness of God. He is what I am not, yet my being bears His mark. I crave a completion no created thing can give. I walk this earth as a yearning incarnate. I am at home, yet a stranger, homesick for a homeland I recall but have not seen." --Bishop Erik Varden Our ashes remind me of us our littleness and our bodily mortality and I think Ash Wednesday is that day, where as lost as we may be, we still want to return and be reminded that we belong to God. Have a blessed Thursday, Catholic Pilgrims.
Continue Reading"Remember, you are dust and to dust you shall return." This life is a pilgrimage to our eternal destination whether you realize you are on it or not. The goal should always be to journey towards our true home--Heaven. I pray that you live the faith boldly this Lent and travel well. Have a blessed Ash Wednesday.
Continue ReadingYou all know that I'm a convert and that my cradle Catholic husband and I fought a lot in our early years of marriage on whether to be Catholic or Protestant. I had such a hard heart during those years. For one, I thought I knew everything about Christianity, which is so laughable, because I barely, if ever, read the Bible, I had a Sunday-class level of understanding of the Faith, and I really didn't go to church. I thought Catholics were a small, cultish group of Marian worshippers, so that was the extent of my understanding of Catholicism. Because of my hard heart, I just could not understand anything my husband was saying to me when he would try to explain the Catholic Faith. His words just ricocheted off my forehead. Nothing was getting in. It's like where Jesus asks his disciples today in Mark, "Do you not yet understand or comprehend? Are your hearts hardened?" So, I had this one Sunday when we were attending Mass where I decided that I was going up to receive Communion even though I wasn't Catholic. Nobody was gonna tell me what to do. As soon as I consumed the Eucharist, I felt sick. I went back to my pew utterly bewildered at what just happened. For me, it was just a symbol. If that was true, why did I feel awful? It was in that moment that the ice around my heart started to melt. I vowed never to take the Eucharist again without being Catholic and I started researching and trying to understand the Church's teachings on Holy Communion and the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. The second I "got" it, I knew I had to become Catholic immediately. It's not that I figured the mystery of the Eucharist out completely, it's that I came to understand that Christ was serious when He said, "This is My Body; This is my Blood." I realized that everything Christ did had to be elevated over what foreshadowed Holy Communion in the Old Testament. It could never be equal to and, most certainly, it could never be less than. It is impossible to understand anything with a hard heart, Catholic Pilgrims. Thank God that He finds ways to break through. Live the Faith boldly and travel well this Tuesday. *St. Rose Catholic Church, Lone Pine, CA
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