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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
When I was baptized at around 11-years old, I didn't really get what the next step was supposed to be. I believed Jesus was "my Lord and Savior," but for me, that was a bit like a safety net and my nonrefundable ticket to Heaven. Of course, I was 11-years old and wasn't steeped in theology or fully understood the ins and outs of our Christian faith, so you can give me a bit of a pass for my naiveté. In a way, though, the journey stopped there for me, because what else was there? I believed in Jesus and that was good enough. See, though, once you are feel assured of something, you give it little thought. I felt assured of Heaven and assured of a basic level of ease through life now that I was a Christian. Bad things certainly wouldn't happen to me. For a lot of people, once they get their kids through Confirmation or even their first reception of Holy Eucharist, they check out. "We've done enough." "We checked the boxes, did the things we are supposed to do, and now we can cruise on autopilot." Many stop going to Mass, stop reading their Bible, stop doing anything to advance their relationship with God. What I've come to understand now, and age helps, though these things can be taught to younger people, is that we are on a pilgrimage towards Heaven. That pilgrimage gets kicked off at our baptism--the starting point. But, as St. Paul tells the Ephesians and us, we aren't just strangers and sojourners wandering around aimlessly, or at least we shouldn't be. We are "fellow citizens with the holy ones, members of the household of God." We have an earthly spiritual home--The Church, and an eternal spiritual home--Heaven. We must realize that our pilgrimage has purpose--we have a purpose--and we can only find that and realize that when we strive to have a relationship with God. Our pilgrimage will have real trials, we will be tested, we will suffer, we will be asked to sacrifice--it will not be a life of ease. Just as Christ did not call His Apostles into a life of ease and comfort, He does not call us to that either. You simply cannot be made holy that way, Catholic Pilgrims. So, live the faith boldly and travel well.
Continue ReadingYesterday in my OCIA class, we were talking about the four marks of the Church--One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic. It's the holy mark that always gets criticized. "Look at all the bad people that have been in the Church. How could you possibly say it's holy." The Catholic Church is not holy because of anything man has done. The Catholic Church's holiness does not come from its members, it comes from the fact that it is the Church that Christ founded. It is holy because through the Church and the Sacraments established by Christ, through the preservation of the Church by the Holy Spirit, and through the infallible teachings of the Church we can be made holy. It is holy because it was not established by man. People always like to point out "bad Catholics." And I would agree that there are bad Catholics out there, just as there are bad people in any group, organization, or institution. For Catholics, the only reason that people can say that they are bad is because people hold them to the standard of holiness that they intuitively know is called for in the Church. If these bad-faith Catholics are bad, it's because they did not follow the teachings of the Church, because the Church teaches to eradicate sin. It teaches to strive for sainthood. It does not teach that any sin should be tolerated, celebrated, normalized, or embraced so that we "can get with the times." To be sure, there are churches out there that do this. Instead, though, we should look to the Saints, who did take Christ's Church seriously and her call to holiness. Because they received the Sacraments and the grace that comes with, because they were obedient to the teachings of Christ and His Church, and because they took advantage of the treasure trove of helps given to us to help us live more Christ-like, well, they were made holy. To say that the Catholic Church isn't holy because of sinners, is a bit like saying that Jesus wasn't holy because his Apostles were sinners. Yet, it was through Him that they were made holy, just like He continues to do for us through His Church. Have a blessed Monday.
Continue ReadingWe get to read my favorite Bible verse today. "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith." 2 Tim. 4:7 Why is this one my favorite? Part of it has to do with being a former athlete and understanding all that goes into competing well. The other part is that I didn't even try once upon a time to "compete well" and I know the difference. This verse is my reminder to never slip back into old ways. What were my old ways? Well, I definitely was like a Pharisee in many respects. Unlike them, I didn't practice my faith, but I did look for ways to pat myself on the back. "Oh God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity--murderous, uh...murderous...greedy, I'm not too greedy...uh...oh, WEIRD, I'm not weird." I couldn't see all the ways that I was just like the rest of humanity--hypocrite, dishonest, fornicator, sloth-like when it came to spiritual things, prideful, prone to rage, etc. I did nothing to keep the faith, or "compete well." I didn't even go to church. My Bible was somewhere, who knows where. And while I couldn't vocally say these things about myself, I knew it. I knew I was a barely limping along Christian, and it made me miserable. It wasn't until I couldn't bear it anymore that I became more like the tax collector in the parable Jesus tells us today in Luke 18:9-14. I came to my first confession begging God to "be merciful to me a sinner" and for the first time felt the relief of saying out loud what I knew to be true about myself. I'm still prideful, prone to a quick temper. I still struggle with envy and jealousy, and vanity for sure, especially as I age. I'm still like the rest of humanity--a human prone to sin. The difference is now, I want to "compete well" and "finish the race" having lived a life where people know that I was trying my hardest to love the Lord well and with a sincere heart. Just because I want to, doesn't mean it's always easy, but I have the remedy--Confession. That beautiful, wonderful Sacrament where I must go and humbly face Jesus, confess my sins, ask for mercy and forgiveness, and receive it. Then, I leave and try to become just a little bit better than before. So, live the faith boldly, my fellow Pilgrims, and travel well this Sunday.
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