You've all heard that if a woman asks if she looks fat in a dress, a man must never tell her the truth even if she does.

The impression you get is that women liked to be lied to. Here's the thing, deep down, we really don't. Nobody really likes to have someone lie to them. In fact, it's a universally held belief that lying is bad. When you lie, you can't be trusted, you betray love and friendship, and your word means nothing. As we all know, it can take forever to build trust, but one lie can send it crashing down in an instant.

We all lie to some degree. We lie about having plans when we don't want to do something. We lie about our weight. People tell white lies in order to get off the hook in some way. There are lies put forth as to why we are late for work or school. If our kids are home alone and someone comes to the door, we tell them to lie and say, "Our parents can't come to the door right now." Millions of lies are said every day and nobody seems to bat an eye.

Some lies we completely justify and deem honorable. Like the "What if a Nazi soldier is at your door asking for Jews" question. Are you gonna lie? Probably. Lies that seem like they'll keep people safe are seen as a good thing. We see it as good because the end (saving someone) justifies the means (lying).

St. Thomas Aquinas has a boatload to say on lying, which I can't fully go into in a short blog. I'll try to lay out a few of his basic points.

1. Lying to man is bad. Lying to God is the worst.
2. Whenever we don't tell the truth, it's lying, no matter what.
3. The gravity of the sin of lying is diminished based on the good you are intending. If you wish to lie to save someone's life, it's less grave than if you wish to lie to hurt someone.
4. Some people lie because they have a "lust for lying." It's become such a habit that they find it difficult to be truthful most of the time. This would be the habitual liar.
5. It is lawful to hide the truth prudently, by keeping it back, if the person asking does not have a right to know. For example, the Nazi soldier at your door.

I'll stop there for now, but at least you have some idea of what St. Thomas Aquinas has to say on the topic. The 7th Commandment tells us, "Thou shall not lie." As I've shown above there is a myriad of reasons that people lie and sometimes it's even done with a good intention in mind. We all to some extent wish to justify our reasonings for lying in certain circumstances. That's what we do with sin, though, we seek to justify it.

Most of the time, we ourselves make the decision to lie. We think it over and use our free will to engage in a lie. As of late, though, governments around the world and our culture are demanding that people lie so that others may live as they want without friction.

We are told to lie about biology.

We are told to lie about anatomy.

We are told to lie about the true definition of words.

Even if you, in good conscience, decide that you can't lie, we are being told that we must or suffer serious consequences. It matters not if you speak up and say that you can't lie about a certain situation. Feelings trump truth in our day and age.

Truth many times is like a great big mirror that many don't want to gaze upon. There are a million ways that we lie to ourselves and to others all in an effort to feed our ego and our desired way of life. Many times the way we present our lives on social media is not the true picture. If someone tries to call us out when we are doing something wrong, we'd rather that they keep quiet or lie and tell us we are doing everything perfectly. We don't want people to question our lifestyle choices. We'd rather they just lie and say everything and anything is totally fine.

Deep down, though, we know the lie we are asking for is wrong. By asking people to lie to us, we are, in essence, asking people not to love us. We all want to be loved. On the surface, we think that the lie we are forcing them to tell us will make us happy. But, how could it really make us happy? When you force someone to do something, you know it is never done genuinely and sincerely.

The words that we speak must be words of truth, Catholic Pilgrims. Truth must always be delivered in a charitable way. I heard someone once say, "Let the truth offend the person, not the way you deliver it." If they choose not to listen there is nothing we can do. Sometimes--many times--it takes courage to speak the truth clearly and charitably.

Let us, also, not demand or require people to lie to us just to spare our feelings. We do not have the right to ask for that. Sometimes--many times--it takes courage to hear the truth about ourselves or our choices. It takes courage to listen and let it wash over us. It takes courage to do the hard work of changing our lives so that we don't continue to lie to ourselves about who we are and who we have become.

God will never lie to us. God is Truth and therefore it is impossible for Him to lie. Be sure, though, that every truth He presents to us is meant to make us better and draw us closer to Him.

So, ladies, if you ask your man a question about how you look in a dress, expect the truth and not a lie.

This year I was asked to go deeper into the Ten Commandments. I've written about one Commandment each month this year. Please check out my others.