I ain't gonna lie, vanity is something I struggle with--mightily.

Lest we think that vanity only has to do with looks, let's look at the definition.

Vanity: Excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc. For this blog, though, I'm going to focus on the looks aspect.

Lest we think this is only something that women struggle with, let us think again. Sin typically does not differentiate between the sexes. It can manifest itself in different ways between the sexes, but both can struggle with vanity.

Recently, I had a follower ask me about vanity. She wanted to know if coloring her hair and watching her weight were manifestations of her vanity. I told her that I'd think about it and put my thoughts in a blog.

I'm the type of person who gets up early in the morning to shower, put on make-up and get fully ready for the day. Even though for most of the day, I'm home teaching my kids, I still like to get up and get ready. I hate going to the airport looking like I just rolled out of bed. I rarely if ever go anywhere with just sweats and a t-shirt on. I'm not usually one to wear a messy bun or  go without my eyeliner. There are days when I won't fix myself up but those days don't happen very often.

I catch a lot of flack for this. I think a lot of people assume it's vanity that makes me this way. For the most part, it's not vanity. It's just how I'm wired. Getting ready for the day makes me feel awake and energized. I feel ready to accomplish things. I know there are people that don't operate this way and that's okay, not everyone has to live exactly like me. I grew up watching my working mom get ready every morning and I think it just became something I adopted myself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking to look nice and presentable. Also, there is nothing wrong with liking to look attractive for your spouse or for the person you are dating.

There are times, though, when my vanity does get the better of me.

Sometimes, I catch myself wanting to be the prettiest gal in the room.

Sometimes, I fret and worry too much over the way I'm aging. I mostly make jokes about my gray hairs, laugh lines, and stray facial hairs, but sometimes I obsess over it too much.

Sometimes, I will take a ridiculous amount of pictures of myself just to get the "perfect" one. Even then, half the time, I'm not pleased with it.  

When it comes down to it, vanity is very much connected to pride. Pride is one of my greatest struggles. I confess it all the time. At least I am aware of it, whereas I use to ignore my prideful jerk attitude in an effort to...stroke my ego, of course. So, how do we combat this?

I was asked if coloring hair and worrying about weight were signs of vanity. Here are my thoughts. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to look presentable, color your hair, keep a healthy weight, build muscle, wear nice clothes, etc. None of those things are bad in and of themselves. With any of these things, though, they can be taken too far. For example, you could want to watch your weight so that you can be healthy and physically capable to live life well. That's totally fine. However, if you want to watch your weight so that you can wear a Speedo and strut on the beach while everyone notices you, you'll need to check yourself on that.

Another example: You could be one of those people that loves to experiment with their hair color and style. Some people love to play around with their hair and there is nothing wrong with doing that. I like to color my hair because I like my brown color. I'm not particularly fond of my grays, but I can live with them if I don't color. There are times, though, when I worry that my grays will make me look older than I am or that I won't be as "cool" anymore. That's when I'm teetering on the edge of vanity. Some people fully embrace their grays and that's great. Heck, some people even color their hair gray on purpose. But, really, if you like your hair red, color it red. If you like it black, color it black. If you like it pink, whatever. If you find yourself unable to be happy if you don't color your hair, well, then I think it's time examine what is going on.

Last example: I like to workout in the gym. I lift weights to keep my muscles strong and maintain good posture. Lifting helps me to feel confident, strong and energized. These are all good things. However, I have seen many a peacock strutting around in the gym looking to just show off and that is obviously vanity.

If you feel you are struggling with vanity, here are some good questions to ask. Are you looking to make others jealous or envious? Are you looking to draw all eyes to yourself in order to make you feel good? Do you crave attention over the way you look? Do you feel threatened when you perceive someone else looks prettier, more handsome, stronger, thinner, or more fashionable? Are you obsessing about some particular feature of yourself? Do you spend exorbitant amounts of money to look a certain way? Do you spend extreme amounts of time fussing over your looks?

You have to be really honest with yourself when it comes to vanity. Everybody struggles with in some capacity. Here's the thing, if your conscience is seriously nudging you about something, it might be good to have a heart-to-heart with God about it.

Discerning whether an action is vain or not has to do with intentions and motivations. It is difficult for those on the outside to know the inner dialogue and struggles that someone may be having with regards to vanity. Most of us aren't privy to the intentions behind how someone dresses or presents themselves. There can be times when the sin of vanity is glaringly obvious. Usually those people are struggling with it because of a deep hurt or in an effort to fill a void. Be patient with people and sometimes it does us well, Catholic Pilgrims, to give people the benefit of the doubt.