Years ago, when I was a counselor for victims of domestic and sexual violence, I encountered many different kinds of people. My eyes were open to the difficulties that some people go through in this life that make my worst days seem like a picnic in the park. There is one girl who remains ever on my mind. I'll call her Lindsay.

Lindsay was the same age as me when she first came to see me. I can't begin to describe her tortured life. Lindsay had been sexually abused as a young girl and because of it, she would never be able to have children. Her father blamed her for what she endured and her mother stood by and did nothing to protect her. Even after the abuse was brought to light, the parents still invited the perpetrator over to babysit. Her father was a cold and calculated man. He brought Lindsay to her session one time and it took all my strength not to go off on him. I knew how he had tormented his daughter and it was beyond disgusting. She was never allowed to date, never allowed to do anything remotely normal. Her dad believed that women shouldn't be educated because it might make men look silly. He was, in a word, evil, though his appearance screamed milquetoast wimp worm.

Lindsay ended up at my counseling door, because of a sexual assault by a co-worker. The judge thought she could use some counseling and so referred her my way. I quickly assessed that Lindsay was beyond my capabilities or really any counselor. Some souls have been trampled so much that it can be near impossible for mere humans to heal them. The saddest thing to me was that Lindsay had never once in her life experienced love. Never once. Her father was an awful excuse for a dad. Her mother was a withered doormat and her brothers were too traumatized themselves to be able to love their sister. She'd been sheltered her whole life from teachers, coaches, or anyone who could possibly show her love. She'd never known the honest love of a man. Every time I saw her, it broke my heart. Through everything she'd been through, she was a sweet, gentle soul.

At first, I tried to counsel Lindsay and take her through different exercises, but she struggled mightily to even talk about all her pain. A lot of times, she just colored on the couch in my office and I soon recognized that this was a time of peace for her. So, I would take care of other work at my desk, while she sat and colored or drew. I'd tell her interesting stories about my life. She always wanted to know what it was like to have a first kiss, to travel, or to have children. Whenever I would tell her, she'd smile and wrap her arms around her long legs like a little girl listening to someone tell her a bedtime story. I learned that Lindsay just needed me to love her.

I thankfully realized that this was a beautiful chance to shower someone with love. She was so grateful for my time and attention. She'd thank me profusely for allowing her to come sit in my office. She'd thank me for talking to her about things other than the ugliness of her life. In order to show the gratitude she felt, she'd draw me pictures. She always wanted a hug before she left and I'd always tell her that she was special. I wanted her to hear that much from me. Lindsay soaked up my love like a sponge. She had always been without love, so she was beyond grateful for the little bit that I could offer in my office for one hour a week.

The military took me away from that job and I had to leave Lindsay behind. I hated knowing that she would be forever trapped in her parent's home. It truly was a living hell on earth. One day, I got a package from her at our new duty station. It had a drawing of a baby bird and some homemade bracelets. Sadly, days after, I got word that Lindsay purposefully stepped in front of a car and died. It still makes me cry to think about her and her pain. Trusting in God's love, I pray she is at peace in Heaven.

Why do I write such a sad story? Well, one of my followers asked me to write about how to find joy. I'm going to write a few of these blogs on finding joy, but one of the things I've pinpointed as a hindrance to joy is ingratitude. In this country, especially, we are surrounded with everything we could possibly need or want: Homes, sweets, five-dollar coffees, technology, transportation, medical care, entertainment, clothes, clean water, education, etc. We are constantly immersed in pleasure and luxuries. Not everyone, but a good majority of us. We gripe about our spouses and ridicule our neighbors. We are impatient when the car in front of us doesn't move the second the light turns green. We get bent out of shape when someone at the supermarket gets in our way. We moan and groan about the service at a particular restaurant not being up to snuff. We grumble if our internet is running a little slow. We demand and expect this, that, and everything. I'm guilty of doing all these things. We can be an ungrateful people. Where there is ingratitude, joy cannot flourish. You can't be a joyful person while sneering about every little slight you perceive. More often than not we walk around with attitudes that growl, "From the bottom of my thankless heart....."

I've heard that Haitians are some of the most grateful people on Earth. Haiti also happens to be THE poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Missionaries go there and speak of the overwhelming gratitude from the people. The locals smile and thank profusely. They are thrilled with the smallest gift. They are overjoyed when basic needs are met. They have been without and so when they do receive anything given in love they are generous with their thanks. This says something. Just like Lindsay, any bit of kindness fills them with enormous gratitude.

So, what am I saying? One part of being joyful is to be grateful. One way we can do this is by changing our attitudes. Instead of griping about our spouse, we could lift them up with our words. Instead of being impatient, we could thank God for the gift of time and the day He has blessed us with. Instead of getting mad at people in the supermarket, we could be thankful that we have grocery stores to shop in that are filled with food. Instead of criticizing our waiter we could smile at them and thank them for serving us. You never know who is having a bad day. Our attitudes are part of the problem. Lindsay had never been loved. Do you thank God that you are loved by Him and by others? You can be thankful for your life, your children, your job, food on the table, or the clothes on your back. Changing your perspective goes a long way.

The Catholic Church encourages us to fast from things at different parts of the year. One thing my husband and I do is deny ourselves sweets during the week. If you eat chocolate all the time it isn't special anymore. But, if you wait a whole week without sweets and then have something you truly want, it makes you so grateful for it. You really enjoy it. We shouldn't seek to fast from things like family, love, or our faith. But, there are plenty of things that we can fast from in order to take control over them and in order to appreciate them when we do get them. They can be things like shopping, movies, sweets, Starbucks coffees, eating out, etc. Try and see how much more pleasurable those things become when you step away for a bit.

Lindsay was so grateful for love because she had the contrast of a life without it. I'm not suggesting that we go live lives like Lindsay in order to be more grateful. I would never suggest that. However, we can create contrast in our lives by fasting from certain material pleasures so that it makes us more grateful when we do receive them. You have to do it with a grateful heart. You can't grumble about the fasting but, instead, offer it up as a prayer for others. Most importantly, though, is to be grateful for the good things in our lives. Focusing on what we don't have instead of on what we do have will never make us joyful. Venerable Fulton Sheen said, "Joy comes from within, and it is therefore in the reach of everyone in the world."  It's all within you to attain. Be a person of gratitude and notice how joy follows.