When the Military Plants You Somewhere and It’s Hard to Bloom

Through my family’s time in the Air Force, we’ve loved every place we’ve lived…until now.

Moving to Vegas and leaving behind our beloved Virginia has been one heck of a difficult thing to overcome and deal with for my whole family. It’s been almost a year now since leaving Virginia and I still feel like I’m just on an extended vacation and it’s time to go home now.

It’s been rough. I’ve tried to slap on a happy face. I’ve told my kids that we “bloom where we are planted” with a half-feebled attempt at trying to sound thrilled. My kids aren’t buying it. I’m not buying it.

See the thing is, I’ve lived desert life before. Heck, I’ve lived in the middle of nowhere in the desert. And I came to really love it there. This time it’s different and I’m not sure why. I mean, then it was desert in the middle of nowhere and now it’s the desert in the middle of Sin City. It’s desert life and it shouldn’t be that different, but it is.

I daydream about my home back in Virginia. I pine for it, actually. My daughter will tell me that when she thinks about Virginia, her heart hurts. She’s 15 and this has been a hard move. We had a good group of people we hung out with, my children’s gymnastics place fit them like a glove, our church was just…ah, man, it was just great.Charlottesville, Virginia fit us. I remember when my husband first told me we were PCSing there. He was deployed and he sent me cryptic messages at one in the morning with clues about where we were going. When I finally figured out where we were going I was like, “Charlottesville, Virginia? Why? There’s no base there.” But, when we got there, I lost my heart to Virginia. There is only one other city in the world that makes me pine for it the way Charlottesville does and that’s Manhattan, Kansas–the town where I went to college. Both towns are very similar: Small, yet not too small, college towns, set in beautiful country, alive with youthful college kids, close to big cities, and just good, wholesome places.

Vegas seems like putting on clothes that just don’t fit. We’ve been here awhile now and it stills feels like we are square pegs trying to fit into round holes. And so, what do you do when the military sends you somewhere that feels so out of sorts?

The military life will make you resilient whether you want it to or not. It plants you in a spot for a few years, you twist and turn trying to find your groove and then just when you feel connected to that place, it rips you out and you start the whole process over again. Most places the military sends you, you adapt to relatively easily. However, when it sends you to some place less than desirable it becomes a test. It tests your priorities, it fleshes out what really matters to you, it challenges you to see things in a different way, it tests your resolve. The one thing I tell my kids over and over about living is Vegas is this: We will leave here stronger than ever, because we will have had to learn to live, and live well, in a place that doesn’t speak to our hearts.

My initially reaction to living here was just to buckle down, bear it, and countdown the seconds till we drive away. I’ve actually daydreamed about that moment. I’ve seen myself peeling out of the driveway, windows to my car down, my hand out the window in a flippant wave and I yell, “Later!” as I speed off to our new destination. But, I can’t live like that. I remember when my husband first deployed, I just wanted to huddle under the covers and emerge on the day that he came back. But, I wouldn’t have been living. I realized, I needed to get out, explore, get involved, enjoy time with my loved ones (I moved back home during his deployment) and take on new challenges. It is imperative that we have that same mentality with Vegas.

There are things in Vegas, other than The Strip, to explore. In fact, the outdoor opportunities are abundant. My husband and two older children went canoeing down the Colorado River, which was an amazing experience. We’ve hiked in the Valley of Fire and Red Rock Canyon. We still have to make trips to the Grand Canyon and Death Valley.

The Strip has afforded my husband and I ample date night adventures. Surprisingly, we can find lots of things to do that are tasteful and unique.  My kids have even enjoyed the Secret Gardens, the Aquarium, and the Botanical Gardens at the Bellagio.

Vegas isn’t the most friendly city on earth. Thankfully, we have friends from past assignments that are stationed here and their friendships have eased our transition and we’ve met some new families that have welcomed us into their lives. We, also, realize that building up community at church is vitally important to us and so we have given ourselves in service at the church.

Slowly, ever so slowly, we are learning to adapt. This has taught our family that even in situations that are not ideal, it is up to us how we respond. We can mope and become grumpy or we can choose to seek out the good things and accept the challenges with a positive heart and mind. Anytime we struggle, it is an opportunity for growth. It’s not always easy and, as a family, we’ve had many nightly sessions where we voice our feelings about how hard this has been. It has been therapeutic to get our thoughts out in the open and not pretend that all is hunky-dory.

This life will not always be comfortable. In fact, I’m a firm believer that if you’ve become too comfy, you need to stretch yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. Massive amounts of growth happen when you are moved out of your comfort zone. I’m not going to pretend that I love Vegas, but I am going to relish in what it does have to offer. On the other side of three years, I know I will look back and see how I’ve changed for the better and how I’ve come to appreciate even more those things that I hold dear.

No matter what, in the military, you cannot stay stagnant; this life just doesn’t allow for that. It’s up to us, though, how the struggles, trials, heartbreak and tears will shape and form us. For this family, we are going to lean on each other, support each other, cry tears when we need to and then get out there and tackle the dang thing.