The Featured Married Couple for August is my brother, Mike, and his wife, Kim. It’s their anniversary month, so it seemed a perfect time to feature them. As the big sister, I always wanted, of course, the best woman for my brother. I honestly could not have picked someone better than my sister-in-law, Kim. To know that she loves my brother the way she does, gives me great comfort and joy. When you meet them, you just know that they were meant to be together. Mike and Kim are such a beautiful, funny, loving couple. Not only are they life partners, they just recently became certified personal trainers and started a company called Lynx Fitness. Mike and Kim will be married nine years this month. They reside in beautiful Colorado with their two children. Please allow me to introduce to you to one of my favorite couples.
What did you do for your first date?
Kim–I think we ate Goodcents sandwiches and then went for a walk. Listen, I was in college and Michael was a journalist. We needed to keep it cheap! 🙂
Mike–We lived in the huge metropolis (not really) of Emporia, Kansas, at the time, so we had to be creative. Plus, she was still in college and I was a young newspaper reporter, so money was tight. We ate dinner at Mr. Goodcents, which is a sandwich shop in the Midwest (think Subway, but way better). This particular Mr. Goodcents was a part of the Emporia Family Fun Center – I kid you not – so after we ate, we played a round of mini golf next to the mini go-kart track. Ha! After that, being that there wasn’t much else to do in Emporia, we went for a walk and then sat on the steps of her apartment complex and just talked for quite a while. While our first date was nothing fancy, it was memorable. Kim and I are not overly complicated people, and to this day, some of our favorite dates have been just going to a coffee shop and talking, much like we did on that first date.
Kim, what initially attracted you to Mike?
I was initially attracted to his honesty and goodness. Michael is a very sincere person. Also, I remember being impressed by the way he drove. I know, weird right? But, he wasn’t reckless in the least and I felt safe and cared for because of it. Seems small, but it stuck with me.
Mike, what initially attracted you to Kim?
What has been the most surprising thing about marriage?
Kim–Because I had seen so few happy marriages growing up, I thought mine would be filled with contempt, or at least annoyance. I didn’t realize that people could actually like each other in marriage. I have been genuinely surprised at the joy in my marriage. It hasn’t faded away and we haven’t found ourselves just putting up with each other. I like my husband a lot. I find him funny and kind and smart and I am not inclined to speak about him or our marriage as if it is a burden I must bear.
Mike–For Kim and me, it’s been most surprising just how fast it has gone, and how much life we have already lived together in our nine years of marriage. Marriage has not been a struggle. It’s just crazy to look back over the last nine years and think about where we started and where we are today. I’d also say it’s been surprising to figure out the things in our lives that we are both passionate about. Coffee, our vacation getaway in North Carolina, fitness, sushi. Kim and I have a lot of interests individually that overlap, but it’s also surprising in a way to see how those overlapping interest grow over time. For instance, Kim used to not like coffee at all, and now, she’s the master of coffee-making at our house. Haha!
What has been one of the hardest things about marriage, in your opinion?
Kim–The hardest thing about marriage has been staying connected in seasons of inner pain and turmoil. There was a time in our marriage when both of us were struggling separately and we found it difficult to love one another well because we were preoccupied with our own pain. We have a better game plan, should we find ourselves in another dark season, but those times are just very hard.
Mike–I don’t know that this is necessarily “hard,” but it is something to consider. As you get farther along in your marriage, your personalities change, as do your individual goals and your goals as a family. We’ve spent a lot of time moving in the nine years we’ve been married, and there are studies that say your personality is a reflection of the five closest people around you. Because we’ve been around so many people and changed locations so often, our personalities have definitely changed over the years. Not that it’s been a bad thing. Not at all. Kim is far more out-going, outspoken and bold than she was when we first got married, for instance. I would say I’m more introverted than I was when we first got married. So I would say this: The person you marry is often not the same person 3, 5, 10 years into the marriage. At their core, they’re the same, but they express themselves differently, they require different methods of communication, and as their spouse, you have to make a conscious effort to adapt, just as they do for you. Marriage is a constant balancing act.
How has your love changed and grown over the years?
Kim–Michael and I have a fierce loyalty toward one another that is deeper than ever. I am for him and he is for me and we both know that to be true and unshakeable. That early infatuation turned into deep commitment and the intense attraction turned into sincere adoration. He is my anchor in this world.
Mike–It has definitely evolved. In the beginning, as we were dating and as we became newlyweds, our love was definitely a deep infatuation with each other, and we were very lovey and, honestly, probably made some people sick of us. Haha! But that’s how it should be, right?! As the years have gone on, I would say our love has evolved to one of deep admiration and respect for each other and what we bring to the relationship. We are still crazy in love with each other, it just looks differently now.
How do you incorporate God into your marriage?
Kim–We have tried to incorporate God into our marriage in a number of routine ways – praying together, reading together, etc, but honestly we still struggle, 9 years in, to figure out how to commit to coming to God together. We each have our personal time with God where we pray for our marriage, family, and each other, but it has been a challenge to do it together. Currently, we are reading Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God together every evening and it has been great.
Mike–I’ll be honest, this is an ebb and flow for Kim and I. We have always attended church, we tithe, and we try to be as involved in our church as we can be. But we go in waves with each other as far as praying together, reading the Bible together, and talking about our faith with each other. No doubt, an area we recognize as an area of our marriage that we need to pour more effort into, but I will say this: we vowed when we first got married that God would be the tie that bound our marriage, and that has not changed.
What do you love most about marriage?
Kim– I love the depth and security and intimacy of loving the same person every day for all my years. Knowing we have a mutual value for and commitment to one another is immensely satisfying to me.
Mike–That it removes selfishness from your heart. If you are married for the right reasons, you must resign your selfishness and put someone else first, and contrary to how it sounds, it is incredibly fulfilling. Being dedicated to your spouse to the point where they can count on you when they need you is an amazing feeling. And I love that I have someone by my side with which to spend this life here on earth. Kim and I have had so many amazing experiences together, and life is just better when you can share these experiences with someone you wholeheartedly love.
What is a common misconception about marriage?
Kim–It seems to me that many people believe that the goal of marriage is to be happy. I have found that the goal of marriage is to learn to love well.
Mike–That it is hard. Sure, Kim and I have had disagreements and misunderstandings, but marriage has never been hard for us. No, our marriage is not perfect, but we’ve never doubted our marriage or our love for each other, and that has made marriage itself quite easy. And because we’ve never worried about our marriage or our love for each other, it’s made getting through difficult situations or events far easier.
