Featured Married Couple of the Month: John-Paul and Annie "Learning to Put the Other First"

This month’s featured married couple is John-Paul and Annie from Ohio.  You know the funny thing about life now is that you can know people without having ever really met them.  I discovered Annie on Facebook through reading some of her Catholic blogs and I really connected to her freshness, positive attitude, and her devotion to the sacredness of marriage.  We need more voices like hers out there and so it was a no-brainer to ask her and her husband to be April’s featured couple.  Though they haven’t been married very long, they are a beautiful couple that really puts their faith into action.  So much so, that they work together at Pray More Novenas.  It’s a project that they started that has spread all over the world.  John-Paul is also on the board of the pro-life non-profit he started in Illinois called Students for Life of Illinois.  Annie also has her own website at www.catholicwifecatholiclife.com.  I’m so grateful I found Annie on Facebook (Catholic wife, Catholic life) and I hope you enjoy their interview.  

 

 

1. How long have you been married?

Annie — We’ve been married for 3.5 years! Our anniversary is on September 8th, the feast of the Nativity of Mary! 🙂 It’s pretty funny because when we were engaged, I was really set on wanting to be married on the Feast of St. Anne & St. Joachim. That’s because I had prayed a novena to St. Anne years prior, in hopes of meeting my future husband — and that’s when I met John-Paul! So I wanted to be married on her feast day since I felt like she had been an intercessor for me and for us all along. Unfortunately, that just wasn’t working out, but we were able to choose the date September 8th. At the time, I had no idea what feast day that was, or that it was one that could be — in a way — a memorial to St. Anne, too. After all, she’s the one who gave birth to Mary! So I think that’s just a neat part of the story where I see how God worked through that date when we were able to get married.

2. What did you do for your first date?

Annie — I think we might have different answers for this one! 😉 I thought our first date was when John-Paul asked me if I wanted to come over to his house and make spaghetti together. I love spaghetti, and it’s always been a family tradition of mine to have spaghetti on Monday night, so I thought it was the perfect first date — we were cooking together! So we went shopping at the grocery store, walked to his house, and then made dinner. And afterwards, we climbed onto the roof of his house (it was a very flat roof!) and looked up at the stars and talked! It was up there on the roof that John-Paul asked me if he could take me on a date. And I said, “Aren’t we already on one?” Apparently not! Haha. So our official first date came about a week later when he took me to this fancy restaurant in town called Radio Maria. What I remember most about this date are a few things… One, I remember walking down the staircase in my Catholic dorm to meet him in the lobby area, and he was standing at the very bottom of the staircase wearing a corduroy blazer. He just looked so handsome to me, and seeing him as I walked (ran!) down the stairs to see him reminded me of that scene in “Titanic” when Kate Winslet walks down the staircase to meet Leo at the very bottom when he’s wall clean-shaven & dressed up to the nines. In the movie, it’s like a moment where everything slowed down, and that’s what it was like for me, too, when I came down to see him there waiting for me. I also remember trying to find the cheapest thing on the menu since it was a fancy (aka pricey) restaurant. Haha.

3. Annie, what initially attracted you to John-Paul?

Annie — Well, before I even met John-Paul, I had been praying a holy hour everyday in the Chapel at my Catholic dorm. And when I was doing that, I was also praying a Novena to St. Anne hoping to meet my future husband. At the time, I remember noticing a man sitting at the very back of the Chapel every time I would walk out in the morning. And I remember thinking that I hoped I would meet a man like that — a man who would start his day off with prayer, like I was doing then. And then when I met John-Paul a week or two later, I realized he was the guy who had been sitting in the back of the Chapel! So that certainly was one of the first things that attracted me to him; I thought he was a good Catholic man! And I had never actually really dated a Catholic guy before, so that intrigued me. 😉 I was also attracted to his sweet brown eyes and smile, his personality, and just all around, who he was! He seemed like a guy that didn’t care very much about what other people thought about him, he was very self-confident — but in a way that really seemed as though he knew who he was to our Lord, and not in relation to this world. He was also working in the pro-life movement at the time (he had started a pro-life non-profit for college campuses in Illinois), and I loved that that was what he was doing with his time; that he was pro-life, that he was fighting for the unborn. That was really attractive to me! Especially because I knew I wanted a family, and I wanted to be married to someone who also wanted children…and valued them. I also have to say that I was attracted to the fact that he was older than I was; I was looking & praying for a man, and that’s what I got!

John-Paul, what initially attracted you to Annie?

John-Paul — I was also attracted to Annie from seeing her praying in the chapel. I had heard of her and read some of her articles in the newspaper. So, I knew about her but never met her. Seeing her in the chapel praying with her friends was definitely the first thing. Once I met her and got to know her, I think her big beautiful smile, her love of family and her confidence were what initially attracted me to her. She’s also gorgeous, but you already know that.

4. What has been the most surprising thing about marriage?

Annie — There have been times in our marriage that have been very difficult on both of us. We’ve been battling some health problems, both of us. And each of us has suffered in a way that I think neither one of us ever foresaw happening. It’s been difficult on us as individuals and on us as a couple. I’ve been surprised at the amount of suffering, honestly. But I shouldn’t be! But beyond that, I’ve been surprised in the moments when I see exactly how well we can complement one another in those very dark, sufferable moments. I’ve been surprised at seeing how we help one another through those moments — 1), because those are things we didn’t have to do — we just didn’t experience — before getting married, and 2) John-Paul can just comfort me like nobody else can. And I know they say you should ask yourself before you get married whether you can suffer well with someone (I wrote about that after a few years of marriage, haha!), but it’s definitely more difficult to imagine if you can do that if you haven’t had to do that before. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve been surprised at the graces God has given us in some of those more difficult moments, to be able to help each other get through those moments and not hold on to despair.

John-Paul — I’m also surprised at how big of a part of our life and marriage Pray More Novenas has become. It started as a side project while we were dating and now it’s a huge part of our every day life.

5. What do each of you bring to the marriage?

Annie — A lot of baggage! Hahaha. Just kidding. Not really. 😉 I definitely think this is true, but if I’m focusing on the best qualities that I bring, they’d have to be… and this feels a little funny to me to toot my own horn here, but I’m very thoughtful. I love    to think ahead about how to make special days even more special. I love to plan dates, write love letters, make cards, and all around just do little things to let John-Paul know that I love him. And, this helps me to share our married love — the love between the two of us — with our family & friends, too! So now that we’re married, I also get to be thoughtful of my husband’s family, and make sure we’re not forgetting to get them cards on their birthday — or that we’re just not forgetting their birthday altogether! I try to encourage my husband to spend more time with his family and to check in on them; because these are things that are very natural for me, and things that are running through my head almost everyday. It’s not as natural for him, so I think I help in that way and bring some more thoughtfulness to our lives and relationships.

We joke that John-Paul is the head of our prayer ministry (Pray More Novenas), and I’m the heart, and I’d have to say that I feel like this is true in our marriage too. He is very logical, very intelligent — and he just knows so much about our faith that I don’t know, myself! I’m always learning so much from him about our faith, and I love that, and it makes me feel like this is what marriage should be like; my husband leading me closer to Christ. John-Paul is also very kind and gentle. He will do anything for anyone! This is something I remember noticing early-on when I had just met him, and it hasn’t changed one bit. He has an incredibly big heart, and he wants to give away everything he has. He encourages me, and us, to be more generous.

John-Paul — Annie is extremely thoughtful and she plans ahead really well. She has such a loving heart. I tend to be a bit more absent minded and I’m terrible at planning beyond the next 5 minutes. So she helps me a lot there.

6. What is one of the hardest things about marriage, in your opinion?

Annie — I think one of the hardest things about marriage is when you’re not on the same page about something in your lives –that could be your jobs, your home, your finances, your children, how you spend your time or spend your money, how you eat, what you eat, how you give and show each other love, etc. When you two aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on these things, it can be incredibly rough. It’s hard on your heart! To love someone, but to also want what you want. It can be hard to feel like you’re both looking for what God is calling you to do as a couple, and then you both are receiving different answers from God. That can be confusing! And even worse, one of the hardest things about marriage, I think, is overcoming selfish tendencies! It is so easy (too easy) to want, want, want, and not to give, give, give. Both both of these situations call us to go deeper into prayer, closer to Christ, and to die to ourselves — over and over again. So while these situations may be the hardest things about marriage, I know they’re necessary — and even good, as they bring us to our Lord, and hopefully, closer to Heaven.

John-Paul — I think the hardest part is learning to put your spouse first in everything. It’s easy to say, but it’s hard to do every day. Another thing that is a challenge is working together. When I tell someone that we work together, the most often response is: “Oh I could never work with my spouse!” That’s certainly not my response, but working together does present its challenges.

7. What do you believe is the purpose of being married?

Annie — Just what I said above, it’s all about getting to Heaven! I don’t think I could say it any other way. It’s about dying to oneself, serving others, serving God, becoming more Christ-like, and hopefully helping your spouse & children spend eternity in Heaven.

8. How do you incorporate God into your marriage?

 Annie — God, and our faith, are a huge part of our marriage! It’s a huge part of our lives. We go to Mass every Sunday, of course, and sometimes we also attend daily Mass. At the end of Mass, we like to stay a little longer and pray the Memorare, one of our favorite prayers that we started praying together when we were dating. We also pray novenas together 😉 and with thousands of other people every month through our prayer ministry. So there’s a lot of prayer! Even when we’re a part of a 40 Days for Life Campaign, we’ll pray for the unborn and for the end of abortion, and also for our marriage & our openness to life.

God is a part of every decision we make. I don’t mean to say that we always feel like we have clarity from Him when we make a decision, but we do move forward with faith and hope that He is guiding us every single day and giving us exactly what we need to do the tasks in front of us.

John-Paul — Forgiveness and mercy. These are what we need from God, but we also must be like God in giving them to each other. We started early on in our marriage to make a point of asking for forgiveness from each other and giving forgiveness to each other. We do it out loud and sincerely. Sometimes it’s hard to be the one to ask for forgiveness, but it makes a huge difference in our marriage and it’s one important way we bring God’s mercy to our relationship.

9. What do you love the most about marriage?

Annie — I love having John-Paul by my side to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows. It is an incredible feeling to have someone go through those things with you, standing strongly next to you, leading you. It’s empowering. It strengthens me to have him there. He reminds me of God’s love for me.

John-Paul — I love being married to such a thoughtful and amazing woman. I love that our marriage helps us both grow in so many ways, especially closer to God.

10. What is a common misconception about marriage?

Annie — Probably that marriage exists to make you happy, or that your husband sort of exists to make you happy…wrong, on both accounts! I think a common misconception, and a most harmful expectation, abut marriage is that our happiness can be found in our spouse, and that that relationship will bring us fulfillment. I’ve written about this before. By expecting our husbands to make us happy, we over-burden our marriage and misunderstand its purpose altogether – which is not our happiness, but our holiness. It’s hard to say that today in our world, because we’re all so busy trying to figure out how to be happier — always looking for something that we want or need, but I know that our happiness — or, our joy, rather — is what we’ll find by seeking Christ, not by looking for happiness in our husband, or in something or someone else.