4 Dating Tips: How to Prepare Your Teen

High school is quite the time in life, isn’t it?  I don’t know anyone who went through high school and came out on the other side without a few battle wounds.  It’s a raw time of life:  Your body is flooded with hormones, your parents seem completely unreasonable on all issues, and your relationships with friends and significant others are in a constant state of flux.  Nothing is black and white, nothing goes exactly how we want it, and nothing is predictable.  At the start of high school, there should be a prep-course that forewarns of all the agony, embarrassment, and heartache possible during the next 3 to 4 years.  A few topics covered would be:

1. What not to wear to school
2. Kissing your pillow is not good practice for kissing the opposite sex
3. The consequences of eating school food
4. How to select dates that will cause neither you nor your parents a substantial amount of grief

Alas, there is no course and there never will be, because in the long quest of life, there are just some things you have to experience without pre-warning.

High school was difficult for me.  The classes and homework were no problem, it was my love life that was a disaster.  To be sure, I was a good student and well liked by most teachers (except there was one who liked to throw erasers at me when I got math problems wrong, but it was all in fun…I think).  Yet, we all have our high school story, don’t we?  There are the jocks who revel in their athletic stories.  There are the thespians that love to emote on the drama of…well…drama.  There are the obvious nerds that relish in the thrill of math clubs and hard assignments that they alone conquered and allowed everyone else to copy.  There are the beauties, the overachievers, the band nerds, and the bad boys.  They all have a story.  My story is like two lives:  One part good student who seemed like she had it all together, the other part was a girl trapped in a dark, secret miserable dating life.

It’s easy, as parents, to assume that if something bad happened to one of our children, we would know it.  This isn’t always the case, especially with teenagers.  During the high school years, teens are at home less-and-less and so interaction naturally diminishes.  It’s imperative that, as parents, we strive to engage our kids, meet their friends, inquire about their day, and, above all, know who has captured their heart.  This shouldn’t just be the mom’s job either; dads have an important role for both daughters and sons.  It is also dangerous to assume that since a kid is a “good kid” that they don’t really need guidance and support.  The high school years are hard for anybody–good kid or not–and parents need to remain a constant loving presence in their lives.

Often, parents worry most about good grades in high school.  It makes sense that parents dwell most on this aspect of high school because good grades are necessary for college and scholarships.  But, in the grand scheme of life, a mediocre grade in freshman English will not upend a life and leave lasting scars.  Parents, also, worry heavily about their kid’s friends–rightfully so.  Friends and peers have a huge influence on teens’ lives.  However, there is one area that many parents neglect: Dating relationships.  This area more than anything truly has the potential to wreak some havoc.  Negative relationships are often a major source of depression, low self-esteem, bad grades, and isolation.  So, as parents, we need to better equip our children for matters of the heart.

4 DATING TIPS TO PREPARE YOUR TEEN:  

1. Begin the discussion about dating well before your kids date.  They will listen to you then.
2. Take your kids on dates when they are young.  Teach them what to expect and what a good date looks like.  In our culture, there is less and less traditional dating and more and more of the hook-up culture.  I don’t want that for my kids and I don’t think you do either.  So, just like with anything else, we must teach and show them through example.  And don’t stop once they become teens.  Dads, continue to take your daughters out and bond with them.  Moms, take your sons out for dinner and connect with them.  Teach them how to talk, look people in the eyes, and give their attention.  This way, if they find themselves dating someone bad, they will know it–they have a comparison.
3. Have your pre-teen/teen make a list of what to look for in a good dating partner.  Most teens never even think of this and go solely on looks and physical attraction.  This clouds judgment.  But, if they have thought about it beforehand and see major character flaws, they will be able to recognize them.
4. You, as the parent, must meet who your kids are dating…before they go out on a date.  Invite them over to the house to meet you, this way you have a sense of who they are and what they are all about.  It shows both teens that you care about this serious matter.  If they refuse to come, well then, it’s pretty plain to see that they weren’t that interested anyway.  If they do come, it shows genuine interest and gives you an opportunity to ask questions and get to know them before you send your child off with them.Overall, dating should be a positive experience.  There is a lot to learn through dating.  They should learn how to love properly, they should learn how to create boundaries and maintain those boundaries, they should learn about themselves, and learn how to deal with other people’s needs and desires.   These are good, healthy things to learn, but just like with anything else, we have to prepare them for a positive experience.  We teach our kids to ride bikes, to play sports, to read, and to cook; we should teach them how to date.