We Have to Start Talking About Dating with Our Kids

r5vubLife is not fair.  Love is not fair.  It sucks, but them’s the breaks.  It’s a cynical way of looking at the world, but if we are going to approach dating, or marriage for that matter, with a Disney princess view of it all, we are in for a shock.

I was a late bloomer.  I had absolutely no real interest in boys as an early teen.  Maybe it was because I wasn’t confident in my looks; I had dorky glasses, badly permed hair, and no sense of style.  But, more than likely it was because I was just a tomboy who wanted to play sports and still found enjoyment in being young.  By thirteen, most girls are at least eyeing the boys and seeing them less and less as cootie-ridden annoyances.  But, for me, it really wasn’t until my sophomore year in high school that I started taking an interest.

Before this change in me, I had a boy that tried his hardest to break through my indifferent heart.  He tried everything: Pestering me, begging me, showing up at my locker, joking around with me, laughing with me, and sometimes, giving me more attention than I could stand.  I guess, in a way, it was flattering, but it really didn’t faze me in the slightest.  I liked him as a buddy and that was it.  But, once we entered high school (freshman were at the middle school), something changed.  I saw him in a different light and where once there was friendship, something else was blooming.  The relationship I had with him would take me on a very difficult, very heart-breaking ride.

But, let’s back up a bit.  All my life, I’ve had a good relationship with my mother and father.  I was, for the most part, a good kid.  I was raised a Christian and I was the oldest of three children.  I’m your typically oldest child:  Organized, a fixer, opinionated, a doer, kinda bossy at times, and an overachiever.  I was a good student, didn’t get in much trouble, was pretty responsible, and usually a little more mature than my age.  I think, in many ways, this was deceptive to my parents.  You see, they never talked to me about dating…until it was too late.  I really think that they thought since I was such a good kid, (who, for the most part, made good decisions) I would naturally make good decisions about who I dated.  Unfortunately, I failed–miserably.

I’m not here to shame my parents, they were good parents.  I do, however, realize the importance of speaking with your kids about dating.  As parents, we work to get our kids excellent educations. We scrutinize the places they frequent.  We get them quality medical attention when they need it.  We guide, instruct, and teach them about all kinds of things.  But, when it comes to dating, we just cast them off to let them figure it out themselves.  Why?  Why would we do this when this area of life can be so life-altering and have such long-lasting effects?

I know that most parents, even most good parents, do not speak to their children about dating, because I have given talks all over the place about dating violence and parents don’t want to touch this topic.  They come up to me after and ask advice about when to start broaching the topic and what to say to their kids.  I found that most parents are clueless on how to go about educating their kids on dating relationships.  We have to fix this, because I have lived with the traumatic consequences of picking very bad boyfriends.  I have counseled many, many women who fall into the trap choosing of one bad boyfriend after another.  We are not teaching our children how to make wise decisions when it comes to dating; we are not showing them what to look for in a potential boyfriend/girlfriend.  As parents, we have our children’s best interest at heart, so it is imperative that we frequently speak with our kids about dating.

The number one question I always get from people is what age to start talking about dating.  My answer:  Before they are teens.  Once they hit teenage years, it could be too late.  Maybe not, but better to start early.  We need to be talking with our kids in age appropriate ways before they are teens.  Many people balk at this, but we do it with everything else, don’t we?  We talk to our kids about drugs, bullies, strangers, safety, and a myriad of other issues all when they are very young.  Dating is no different.  Obviously, there are ways to go about it for different ages that aren’t scary, too mature, or inappropriate.

I have revamped my website to focus on dating, marriage, and fostering positive relationships.  You can check it out here.  I am going to use this blog to tell my story and use what I learned to equip people in these areas.  I hope as a parent, you can use my story as a springboard to open up discussion with your kids.  I hope that if you are a teen reading this, you read my story and learn from my mistakes.  Hopefully, I can take the bad that happened in my life and turn it into good by helping others. This is my ministry.  God has an incredible way of creating wonderful things from awful events, if we allow Him.  I hope I can offer you some good resources that you can put to use with your children.  If my story can prevent even one kid from going through what I did, then it will be all worth it.

 

 

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One response to “We Have to Start Talking About Dating with Our Kids”

  1. I’m sorry that you had bad experiences but thankful that you want to use them to help educate others. My big kids did not really date in high school and my others are still too young. I think you are right that there are lot of important things that don’t get passed along because we just assumed if we raised our kids right they will somehow just know certain things or that common sense will protect them.

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